Patient Trust

 

 

I first found the reading “Patient Trust’ from Teilhard de Chardin at the end of a book on contemplative leadership by Ruth Haley Barton. (Its at the end of this note if you’re not familiar with it) Instantly I knew I needed to live into the truth that he wrote about. After a time, I put it aside, but it re-appeared about a year and half later when I was on a Centring Prayer retreat. I was in the midst of a major life discernment and again felt convicted that his words were for me. After that I shared it with the Contemplative Fire leadership team and our Board Chair kept bringing it to every meeting we had. For the last sixteen months we’ve read it again and again. On Friday I joined the Contemplative Fire leadership via Skype and we read it again at both of our meetings.

This time I felt us moving through the period of instability and some sense of a future emerging for the community. I also found through those group conversations that personally I was emerging from the darkness and instability. I am beginning to find my feet, to touch ground here. The team helped me see the invitations that I’m receiving as beginning to touch solid land again. I sit back amazed at how many invitations I’ve had in these three, full but short, months. I can see so many doors opening before me. Light coming through those doors. There is a new life for us here.

It doesn’t matter that our pictures aren’t hung, or that there are still piles of things on the floor, or that I keep moving things around or that the workmen just knocked down the stairs leading to the house and found rotten wood! The instability all around me is just the way it is but it doesn’t claim me as it had in the past. My feet are beginning to touch solid ground again. I’m grateful that I know Deep Joy and that I smile in the midst of our mess. It’s such a lovely feeling when I’m swimming in deep water and then feel the bottom with my toes. I trust in the slow work of God, gently drawing me to feel the solid bottom again.

I’m writing Advent Reflections for Contemplative Fire. If you don’t receive them, go to www.contemplativefire.ca or our Facebook page to find them. I think I will focus the next few weeks on Advent and re-appear after Christmas.

Please receive ‘Patient Trust’ as my Christmas gift to you! Enjoy. Let’s be kind to each other. Let’s trust in the slow work of God in our lives, and the lives of those we care about.

Patient Trust

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient in everything

to reach the end without delay.

We should like to skip the intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being on the way to something

unknown, something new.

And yet it is the law of all progress

that it is made by passing through

some stages of instability —

and that it may take a very long time…..

 

And so I think it is with you:

your ideas mature gradually – let them grow.

Let them shape themselves, without undue haste.

Don’t try to force them on,

as though you could be today what time

(that is to say, grace and circumstances

acting on your own good will)

will make of you tomorrow.

 

Only God could say what this new spirit,

gradually forming within you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing

that his hand is leading you,

and accepting the anxiety of feeling yourself

in suspense and incomplete.

 

– Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire Community Leader, Canada

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Birthdays

When I was a child, we barely acknowledged birthdays. I recall a party when I was four and another when I was ten, but the other years….. I know my mother bought a cake at Loblaws. I can still see the roses and taste that icing! But I don’t recall much of a fuss let alone a ‘celebration’ of me, or of anyone else on their birthday.

Fast forward twenty years till I had my own four daughters. At some moment it settled in on me that we were supposed to celebrate birthdays! It wasn’t a lightning bolt that told me how to be an attentive mom, but rather the invitations to other family’s parties. Oh… that’s what happens around birthdays! Gradually I learnt, and I have memories of some fun parties: the puppy party when we celebrated a puppy turning one and a daughter who loved him turning seven so all the guests brought a dog and we played dog games; a scavenger hunt party at Black Creek Pioneer Village that got invaded by a re-enactment of the Rebellion of 1837; the sleepover parties with movies and late-night games and discussion; chocolate log cakes and fireworks on cottage beach; costume parties and decorating Smurf cakes. I hope my girls have memories too.

This week I celebrated my birthday in our new home. The family had asked me what I wanted for I was turning 70 and that seemed to be a special year to celebrate, but I couldn’t come up with anything that was a longing within me. I finally acknowledged that I’m in a new place without friends and I’m still absorbed by the move so lets just keep it simple and us.

When the day came, I found myself very touched by the phone calls, emails, and texts. Even a card and a present survived the postal disruption to arrive at my home and somehow fresh flowers  arrived too which may not seem like much to you city dwellers, but here in the country where delivery people laugh when i tell them where I live…..was a treat.  I’m not a Facebook person, but those notes too popped into my inbox. I felt surrounded by people, known and appreciated. I wasn’t alone. Yes, I’m in a new place. I have no ‘friends’ here, but I’m still within a circle of people I care about and who care for me.

During the week, as I prepared the Village meditation group (did I tell you I’m hosting an introductory one in the Village for November?), I found Desmond Tutu and the Dali Lama’s book that I really enjoyed last year. They wrote it to celebrate their 80th birthdays, ‘The Book of Joy’. I think it’s a treasure. They describe how each day is our birth-day. Each day we get to celebrate and begin anew. Ahh… each day is a day we bring new life into the world. Each day we can set our intention to be light, to express kindness, to extend compassion. Each day is our birth-day. Hmm… I think that means too that each day we get to laugh a lot, play a game or too and eat Smurf cake!

How do you celebrate birthdays? How might that be part of your everyday-birthday?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! 

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire Community Leader, Canada

The Dining Room Table

 

We live in a small mountain village. When it’s dark, it’s really dark for we have no street lights. Last night, in the moonlight, a man and his two sons arrived at our mountain home. We helped them load into their van our dining room table and chairs. He told us they were new in Canada, finding their way, setting up their home with five children. I shared with him how much we had enjoyed this dining room set for many years. I gave him the blessing of it into their family life. He received the blessing and returned one to us. As they piled back into their van, I heard repeatedly, ‘God bless you. Pray for us. I’ll pray for you.’. And then they drove off into the dark night.

Our move has given us the initiative to give a lot of things away to a lot of people. On many occasions I’ve been able to offer a blessing to the people. Nothing ‘formal’, but heartfelt words of how much this loom, filing cabinet, doll house, chair, book etc. has meant to me and how I wish them enjoyment, peace and an awareness of Love as they use it. Most times the blessing has been received and that is such a gift back to me.

Letting go has been deep within me this week. Giving away the dining set was just one more physical reflection of the deep emotional, intellectual and spiritual release that this move is asking of me. The layers of letting go quite astound me.

As each layer peels off, I can feel more and more vulnerable, getting closer to my core for there is less and less I can hide within, fewer roles and tasks to hide behind. Even ‘The Moving Task’ I hold more lightly, as I continue to let go realizing I can’t control it.

We have some pine cabinets that we’ve had for forty years. I’ve been trying to sell them, but no one has purchased them in Toronto or BC. Tomorrow we’ll give them to charity. Another letting go. We bought them as newlyweds, as we made our first house into a home. It is time to let them go. It is time to let go too of who we were, so we can become who we are today, a couple married forty-five years, beginning a new life in a new location. It is time to let go of who we were, so we may become who we are today.

I know there is a blessing in all that letting go. I know that, but oh, sometimes it’s hard to let go and hard to both give and receive the blessing.

What do I cling to? Many times this week I’ve asked myself that question. What things, expectations, ideas, memories am I clinging to? What might I release so I can give and receive The Blessing?

How about you? What might you be clinging to? What might you release or give away? And how might you do that?

 

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire Community Leader, Canada

 

Patience

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing live your way into the answer.   – Rainer Maria Rilke

 

I think I’m being invited to grow in patience. On my retreat week in October, as I stood in the centre of the labyrinth, I felt the change of seasons all around me. There is a time to let go of things, a time to be dormant, and a time to welcome new life to emerge. I’m in a time of letting go: letting go of past connections, of old belongings, of old ways and habits, of old responsibilities and also of expectations that I brought with me concerning my/our new life. I’m in a time of letting go, and simply being patient, living within the ambiguity, uncertainty, unknowing of this season of life.

I was given the Rilke quote in my Weight Watchers meeting two weeks ago and found it complemented my retreat work so beautifully. I settled down even more to waiting patiently in the unknowing of my new life. I’m not ready to hear the answers yet. I’m not ready to know what my new life will be. I know God’s Spirit is alive and would give me answers if I needed them, but I don’t. I can wait before unopened doors and be content. I can be alive in the uncertainty. How wonderful! I can be fully alive in the uncertainty of a new life. I don’t need to know. What a relief that is!

Patience. Waiting. Trusting.

Do you have unanswered questions in your life? What would it look like for you to put them behind a closed door? That could look like giving them to God in prayer, or writing them on a paper and placing them in a ‘God-Box’. Then you can pull up a chair and wait before the door.

Have patience as you wait with God, in everything that is unresolved in your life. Enjoy today.

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

Stay on the Path!

Do you recognize the name Rivendell? If you’re a Tolkien fan you will know it as  Elrond’s home, an elven place of healing and restoration. As I was making my retreat at Rivendell Retreat Centre, I thought I might dip back into ‘Lord of the Rings’. It has been over forty-five years since I read it. I wondered if some of the journey motif might speak into my current season, for I’m on the move and a quest too!

I decided to start with the pre-quel, ‘The Hobbit’, joining Bilbo and the dwarves on their adventure. Last night I woke in the middle of the night with a full brain. (Does that ever happen to you?) I felt like I was joining the gang as they made their way through Mirkwood, a deep, dark and dangerous forest. The guiding wizard, Gandalf had warned them to ‘stay on the path’. They were NEVER to set foot off it or they’d get lost and most likely perish. STAY ON THE PATH!! As the troop make their way into Mirkwood, it gets darker and darker. They walk for many days consuming all their food and water. The nights are pitch black except for colored eyes watching them. Oh, it’s murky….and then, so very tired, distraught and hungry, they smell food. ‘STAY ON THE PATH!’ I yell at them, but they don’t heed me and go racing after the smells, never to catch them, only to get into serious trouble. Why didn’t they listen?

As I woke last night I found myself in Mirkwood. All those busy brain thoughts were tempting me to leave the path: solve that problem, replay that conversation and make it come out differently, puzzle out the unsolvable ‘whys’ of life. Essentially the voices in Mirkwood cry out to draw me off the path of peace. Don’t walk that path any longer. Where is it taking you anyway?  No…. I will stay on the path. I will.

Sometimes life is very murky, especially in the middle of the night! When life is

murky, that’s the time to stay on the path. Stay with what you know to be true. Go back to what was right and good when the sun was shining. Keep that as your compass. Let the goodness you knew in the shining sun be your guide. It’s not the same as following a rule book. It is following the deepest lived experience you have. It is being authentic. As I read in Deuteronomy this week, ‘let these truths be written and held within your heart’.

One of my deepest truths is that it is in and through my authenticity that God’s

Loving Spirit can work best within me. When I’m being as real as Anne as I can be, that is my best offering to God. It might be messy, but God doesn’t run from my mess. It might be dark, but I’ve known God’s presence in my darkest places. The Spirit of God doesn’t fear my darkness or hide from it.

When I walk through my own Mirkwood, God is always present, even in the darkness. My job…STAY ON THE PATH. Be my best self, even when I don’t want to, even when I get tempted by smells off the path. Stay on the path. Be my best self.

What has been your Mirkwood experience?

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire Community Leader Canada

My Pace Bunny

 

During my retreat week, I felt it was time for an in-depth re-tuning of my Rhythm of Life, so  I made my way through Contemplative Fire’s ‘The Companion’s Journey’, a series designed to help us be in touch with our rhythm. As I read through the material, one phrase that resonated was the invitation to follow Jesus as he leads me in a contemplative pace……a contemplative pace.

 

A few days before that I’d hiked up the mountain behind our home with my daughter and her partner. They are avid hikers. I’d done this trail before and I knew how steep it was and how much exertion I’d experienced. I warned them I’d need to stop and catch my breath! My daughter responded with ‘Not a problem Mom. We walk ‘slowly-slowly’.’ She actually had a Hindi word for it that sounds like ‘pulley-pulley’. She described how they walk so slowly uphill they don’t ever need to stop to catch their breath. Others may initially run past them, but eventually they usually pass all those who exert themselves.

We started up the mountain and my daughter walked ahead of me. About a half hour into our hike I realized that I hadn’t stopped once to catch my breath. Yes, my heart was pounding, but I was okay. I could keep this pace up. I’m not a runner, but my daughter is, and I’ve cheered her along in a few of her marathons. In those races there are people who wear rabbit ears with a number on them. They are called ‘Pace Bunnies’ and are volunteers who will run at a set pace, some faster, some slower. Racers find a Pace Bunny with their expected time and let the bunny set their pace for the race. My daughter became my Pace Bunny as we climbed the mountain that day. It was wonderful. I let her lead the pace. We’d stop and look at some marvelous trees and then we’d move on. It was all natural and organic.

 

So… I hear the invitation to let Jesus be My Contemplative Pace Bunny. As I follow him, he’ll set the pace for me, sometimes with some pep, sometimes lingering even stopping to gaze, but always moving forward. I can identify him too. Not by rabbit ears with numbers, but I know his aroma, his taste. I can recognize the deep peace of Christ, the sweet ease, the inner spaciousness, and always the practical compassion. His ways are known, not hidden. If I lose sight of him and sometimes I do, I can ask those around me for help to find him again. He won’t go far. He keeps his eye on those walking with him.

My time on retreat has been a slow time, time to linger and gaze, time to re-tune myself, and say ‘yes’ to following my Contemplative Pace Bunny.

Who sets the pace for your life?

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

My Job

So many people ask me — ‘What will you do out west Anne? Will you work as a priest? Are you transferring your license to work in a parish? Will you continue to write? What is your dream for your life?’.  

This week embedded in one of Barbara Brown Taylor’s sermons I found a descriptive phrase for my life – my current one, and the one to come.

‘Our job is to wait without losing hope.’

We’re nearly at the equinox when the days are long, and then we begin the cycle into the long dark days of winter. So many of us find the world in dark place right now. World leaders trouble us, slavery continues, refugees suffer and daily we see violence in the news. Even without nature and the world’s happenings, we all know situational darkness that envelopes our lives when the phone rings, or doesn’t ring, when someone no longer comes home, when the pay cheques stop, when the dreams fall apart…..Or the silence when the God we knew seems to disappear and we can’t find the sparkle of faith we once knew.

Taylor was writing about the darkness, so I’m comfortable tweaking my job description:

My job is to wait in the dark without losing hope.

I don’t know what my days will look like when I wake up one morning in my same bed, but in BC. But I do know the flow of my days here and I imagine they will continue no matter what lies ahead for me.

My rhythm involves taking time in the morning for devotional reading and meditation. I read from a variety of sources – scripture, poetry, theology, prayer, spiritual masters. I have many teachers who I allow into my world for soul formation. I contemplate and meditate which allow me to rest in the presence of God. Even in the silence of God, I know myself as a branch entwined with the Divine Vine. Then my day unfolds as prayer. What mischief will we get up to today? To whom am I to smile? To whom will forgiveness be given? To whom will I be vulnerable?  My prayers are no longer tucked into a few devotional hours in the morning, but flow through me throughout the day. And they flow, whether the light is sparkling in me like it did during my Sabbath Leave and the year that followed, or whether the darkness surrounds me as it can in this time of the relentless work of a move and significant uncertainty. No matter what…

My job is to wait without losing hope.

Each moment of each day is prayer, unceasing prayer, all grounded in the God I know and yet don’t know, the One I open to and rest in each morning in my study time and meditation, and the one I play with as I sort through each drawer in our home.

My job is to wait without losing hope.

How about you Gentle Reader … Where are you called to wait and hope? What’s your job description?

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

From the Quiet Within

Usually something surfaces for me to write about, but this week, I’m quiet inside. Usually there is a word, phrase, image or thought that has held my attention. I want to either share it or chew it over with you. But tonight, I’m quiet inside. I ask…. ‘Precious One, is there anything I might share this week?’. And I’m quiet inside.

I’m grateful for the quietness tonight, for my prayer times have been anything but quiet for the last few weeks. The work of move has invaded my interior stillness. My mind is active.

This past week we visited the house that will become our new home in August. I’m awed at the privilege of living in such beauty. During our visit, I met Madame Mountain. She lives at the end of our driveway. I’ll see her every time I leave my home. Each time I go to the grocery store or take out the garbage, I simply need to look up and see a mountain towering overhead. I’m sure someone has ‘named’ her, but I have no idea what it is. How strange to think we can ‘name’ a mountain or a lake, river, or ocean…! I wonder if she’ll tell me her name if I sit very still with her and get to know her? Ahhh – all that lies ahead!

Perhaps it’s the activity of the move that steals away my writing thoughts. Hmmm perhaps it’s the awe I’m standing in. It’s hard to grasp that I’m being given something I’ve longed for. Can this really be true? Can I be so loved?

It’s time for me to be still, to settle into the Quietness within and be grateful for all.

Would you join me in a few minutes of quiet?Take a deep breath…. Sit within the Divine Quietness. Let Jesus love you, in just the way you need.

 

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

 

The Guest House

 

I continue to be a Mystic in Motion! I’ve got my head in boxes and drawers and cupboards sorting what to take, give away and discard. We are on the move.

The quote from last week – Deep down we all know that all life is on loan to us.  – continued to follow me in the days ahead.

I went to the AGO and found a painting that spoke to me of the hope, the light that lies deep within me. I believe that within my depths there is hope, laughter and a way of travelling lightly. I’m so sure that Jesus had an infectious laugh! The painting is by Joan Mitchell an abstract expressionist. I responded to the lightness being at the bottom. No matter what, there is hope, there is light under it all. I can see and feel that lightness within me. I look forward to more and more of it breaking through my depths.

Yesterday, in my memoir writing group we were given one of Rumi’s poem’s ‘The Guest House’. I will share it with you at the end of the blog. Again it spoke of holding life lightly, welcoming all that comes our way as guests, being at the door to welcome whatever comes with warmth and laughter. I believe that our life on earth is about learning how to live well, to live with compassion and kindness. That involves learning how to suffer well. Our lives are woven with times of pain, all sorts of different kinds of pain and we are, I am, to learn how to navigate the rough waters of life with integrity, with care and compassion, with even a welcome smile. That gives me enough to work on for the rest of my life!

So learning about  ‘Travelling Lightly – Dwelling Deeply’ continues. Who has come as a guest to my house today? Who has knocked on your door?

The Guest House by Rumi (translated by Coleman Barks)

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

 

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

 

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

 

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

 

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

 

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

 

 

Life’s Lending Library

One night many years ago, I had a dream where I held a small bird in my hand. I knew I was to hold it very gently, not grasping, but simply letting it rest on my hand. If I grasped it, I knew I would harm it, even kill it.

I’ve been drawn into Joyce Rupp’s book ‘Praying our Good-byes’ this week. She begins with: ‘Deep down we know that all life is on loan to us.’

Somewhere hidden within me, I know I’m not in charge, that I’m gifted with life, entrusted with it. Somewhere deep within me I know that. But selling our home, moving far away, into a smaller home and with a different lifestyle challenges me to let go of most of the things that surround me, most of the people that make up the fabric of my daily life, and most of the involvements that give my life meaning. On loan? That means these things, these relationships, these activities aren’t MINE. That means I need to be holding them lightly, not grasping, but holding gently like that little bird from my dream.

Contemplative Fire follows a Rhythm of Life entitled: Travelling Light – Dwelling Deep. I’ve usually responded that I’ve little problem with the depth part, it’s travelling light that stretches me! My journey has been to lighten up, learn to play, to laugh, to let go, to simply live more lightly and with greater ease.

This week I’m considering that lightness comes from depth. I’ve seen them as  separate, both to be nurtured, but separate parts of me. Rupp’s teaching has opened a new door. I see that embedded in my depth, is lightness. It is from a place of depth, deep within, that release comes. Deep down in my True Self, in My Core, in the Centre of All, there is the way of being that holds life lightly, knowing that it is on loan. Life is not mine to grasp, possess, control or orchestrate, but it is mine to enjoy and live, openly, deeply and lightly. As long as I’m in angst about what to keep and what to let go, as long as I’m not releasing current relationships to become something new, as long as I’m getting my purpose from an activity or role, I’m not living my full life. I’m not living from my depths. I’m not Travelling Light- Dwelling Deep. Within me is freedom. Within me lightness. Life doesn’t belong to me. It’s loaned to me. So how shall I live?

I’ve loved our home in Toronto, but it is a home that was given to us for a season. It’s time to give it to someone else. I’ve been richly blessed in the life that has grown around me in Toronto, but this life was given to me for a season. It’s time to release it, to allow the groups and people to continue without me. It’s time for me to discover what being a stranger is all about. It’s time for me to build a new home. I will live into the truth that deep down, all life is on loan to us.

Right outside our bedroom window a robin has been building a nest on the drainpipe. It looks like an exposed an awkward place, but I suppose he’s done it before. Deep down, he knows how to build a home for his family. Deep down he knows that it will be just for this season. Deep down, he knows. Deep down I trust that we’ll be able to build a new home too.

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

ild a new home too.

What do you know deep down? Do you know that all of life is on loan to you? That you have it just for a season.