The Colander of My Life

 

Perhaps this will feel like an upside-down image for you, but please stay with me and see if it works!

We are God’s children, lovely, delightful, complex creatures, dearly loved by The Divine One. God pours out an abundance of generous grace and love towards us each day, even each moment of each day. That is the Nature of Love – abundant and freely given.

For many years I couldn’t receive the Love that was there for me. It was as if my life was a colander, a large bowl made to receive, but filled with holes. The holes in my life were things like fear, doubt, anxiety, envy, judgement and insecurity. Or words such as ‘not good enough’, ‘you can’t’, ‘that’s not true’, ‘how could you?’. Each time Love was poured into my life, it would escape through one of the holes and I’d not experience it. Instead of a large full round colander, it was as if I held up a tiny thimble to God. I could only receive the tiniest bit of Love.

I was so thirsty for Love. I went to God again and again, asking to be filled. Slowly over the years through hours of reflective prayer and personal work, I began to experience those holes being filled. I discovered  an internal sense of peace, joy and love that wasn’t dependent on my circumstances. I began to recognize the untrustworthy voices and feelings within me that had drilled the holes into my colander.

God’s Grace is always pouring Love towards us, but will we receive it? I needed to slow down, open myself to the healing work that I needed, acknowledge it and engage in it. Then I was ready to begin to receive the constant flow of God’s Love into my life. Yes, there is God’s Grace, but I have an active part in receiving it.

Once the holes in our colander begin to be healed, we can receive and relish the delights of Love. Then our colanders, our lives can fill, fill to overflowing and God’s Healing Love can reach others through us. But we need to do our own work first. I’m persuaded that I won’t love you, anymore than I honestly love myself, and I don’t begin to deeply love myself till I acknowledge my holes and enter into the healing work. Then I will be of service to others. That’s the human journey.

I know part of this image doesn’t work for a colander without holes becomes a bowl…. but there is something in it that speaks to me, something about those holes in my life that lets goodness seep away. I hope there is something to help some of you as well.

How are you on receiving and retaining Love? What are the holes in your colander? What kind of internal work are you being invited to participate in?

Love and Prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Founder (Canada) of Contemplative Fire

www.contemplativefire.ca

 

A Question One Morning

 

Ask yourself this question: “Have I ever tried to do anything that nobody else has ever done?”

In my devotional readings this morning, that was a question that jumped right off the page and into my lap!

I’m the youngest of three daughters. As a young person, even into my early twenties, I often felt that I couldn’t do anything my older sisters hadn’t already done. I went to the same primary school, high school and university. I attended the same summer camp and the went on the same family holidays. I felt defined by those objective events and blind to the uniqueness of ‘Anne’.

When I juggled that question around in my lap, I began to find many things that I had done that nobody else had done in the world. I began to savour anew my uniqueness. Some of the unique things I found were on the showy side, the upfront side, the side that can be noticed in the world. Other things were quieter, small everyday expressions of creativity. I appreciate that I was given the privilege of bringing Contemplative Fire into Canada – that’s on the upfront side of life. It touched my creative side and has been a real joy to me. I appreciate too that I was gifted with being able to birth four amazing young women. They are like no one else in the world. But creativity is in everyday things too. I moved from Stibbard Avenue in Toronto to Oceanview Road in Lions Bay. I don’t think anyone else, besides my husband has done that! Let’s get into even smaller everyday things looking for creativity. A dear one taught me how to open my closet and create an outfit to wear each day that will give me joy! No one else in the world will have that particular outfit on, on that particular day!

The devotional writer was stirring our creative energy. He was teaching us how we are within our spirit united to God’s Spirit. We are to relax and follow our intuition. It will lead us into a creative expression in the world, one that only we can make. I know deeply the presence of God within each one of us. Will we listen. Will we be awake spiritually, attentive to the movements within us? And listening, will we respond and move within the creative flow, saying ‘YES!’?

Ask yourself this question: “Have I ever tried to do anything that nobody else has ever done?”

Celebrate the goodness that is YOU.

 

Love and Prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Founder (Canada) of Contemplative Fire

www.contemplativefire.ca

READER ALERT! WordPress has begun inserting ads below my blogs. Better stop reading here!!

 

 

First Writing Day!

 

As I woke this morning, I realized it was my First (self-declared) Writing Day! What a joy. I saw a whole day stretching out before me. A day that is unscheduled, open and inviting. Time to retire to my cabin, open the windows so I can hear the creek below me and relax.

I feel at home, at ease. I am where I belong, in front of my screen, eyes lifting to Howe Sound, ears attuned to Harvey Creek and heart at rest, open, alive, listening and feeling. Ah, how good life is.

I’m so very grateful to be able to say that, to know that this moment is good. I’ve just written a Field Report from Julia Cameron’s ‘Vein of Gold’. It’s a summary report of the work I’ve done according to her tasks of creating your life story. I’ve done a Narrative Time Line, discovered my Secret Selves, written a ‘cup’ or two to release secrets into the universe, transformed negative words into positive ones, created a Freedom Fairy to slay a lurking monster in my life and taken the Vein of Gold quiz – whew! That was all quite a bit of work over the last couple of months. Today, writing my Field Report was engaging, rewarding and satisfying. I was able to scoop up the pain, press it down and let the mature wine of my life flow. Time to savour it!

I’m wondering if these Writing Days will be taken up with re-reading and re-doing some of my past community reflections and blogs. I’ve wondered about gathering them into a devotional book. Or my time might turn to working more on the spiritual memoir I’ve started. I don’t know yet the focus of these days. I plan to post a little something each week in ‘Mystic in Motion’, just because that is my home base, a sorting ground for me.

What will I find if I re-read articles? Will I find sorrow? Will I find joy? I’ve noticed over the years that people relate to sorrow more easily than to joy. I wonder if most of my articles have emerged out of struggles. Generally, people seem to find it easier to say, ‘Oh, that sounds so difficult. I’m sorry that has happened to you.’, rather than celebrating or coming alongside a very happy person. Has anyone else noticed that?

We tend to share our sorrows rather than our joys. Who do you celebrate with? Maybe that’s one of the reasons I’m cultivating this unseen audience in ‘Mystic in Motion’. I can be happy with you! I will celebrate with you the goodness of life. Today is my First Writing Day. Today seems to me, like a very fine day, a very fine day.

From Thich Nhat Hanh I savour: I know you are there, and I’m very happy.

Love and Prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Founder (Canada) of Contemplative Fire

www.contemplativefire.ca

READER ALERT! WordPress has begun inserting ads below my blogs. Better stop reading here!!

 

My Pace Bunny

 

During my retreat week, I felt it was time for an in-depth re-tuning of my Rhythm of Life, so  I made my way through Contemplative Fire’s ‘The Companion’s Journey’, a series designed to help us be in touch with our rhythm. As I read through the material, one phrase that resonated was the invitation to follow Jesus as he leads me in a contemplative pace……a contemplative pace.

 

A few days before that I’d hiked up the mountain behind our home with my daughter and her partner. They are avid hikers. I’d done this trail before and I knew how steep it was and how much exertion I’d experienced. I warned them I’d need to stop and catch my breath! My daughter responded with ‘Not a problem Mom. We walk ‘slowly-slowly’.’ She actually had a Hindi word for it that sounds like ‘pulley-pulley’. She described how they walk so slowly uphill they don’t ever need to stop to catch their breath. Others may initially run past them, but eventually they usually pass all those who exert themselves.

We started up the mountain and my daughter walked ahead of me. About a half hour into our hike I realized that I hadn’t stopped once to catch my breath. Yes, my heart was pounding, but I was okay. I could keep this pace up. I’m not a runner, but my daughter is, and I’ve cheered her along in a few of her marathons. In those races there are people who wear rabbit ears with a number on them. They are called ‘Pace Bunnies’ and are volunteers who will run at a set pace, some faster, some slower. Racers find a Pace Bunny with their expected time and let the bunny set their pace for the race. My daughter became my Pace Bunny as we climbed the mountain that day. It was wonderful. I let her lead the pace. We’d stop and look at some marvelous trees and then we’d move on. It was all natural and organic.

 

So… I hear the invitation to let Jesus be My Contemplative Pace Bunny. As I follow him, he’ll set the pace for me, sometimes with some pep, sometimes lingering even stopping to gaze, but always moving forward. I can identify him too. Not by rabbit ears with numbers, but I know his aroma, his taste. I can recognize the deep peace of Christ, the sweet ease, the inner spaciousness, and always the practical compassion. His ways are known, not hidden. If I lose sight of him and sometimes I do, I can ask those around me for help to find him again. He won’t go far. He keeps his eye on those walking with him.

My time on retreat has been a slow time, time to linger and gaze, time to re-tune myself, and say ‘yes’ to following my Contemplative Pace Bunny.

Who sets the pace for your life?

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

There’s a Sign on My Door…

There’s a sign on my door, but what is it? ‘Gone Fishing’ implies I’m off on holiday. ‘Out to Lunch’ says I’m taking a needed break for nourishment. ‘Under New Management’ says same business but new influence. ‘Sold’ says I’ve closed and ‘Retiring – Thanks for your business’ says the same. To some degree all of those are true, but not quite expressive of what’s happening to me.

As the days lengthen with summer ease, we prepare for our annual family visit and our move kicks into high gear, I realize the desire to release myself from the discipline of offering a weekly thought. I always write, for it’s second nature to me, but I need to give myself the permission to publish again when I’m ready. I want my offerings to be Spirit led, not pushed by my driven nature who produces no matter what!

Maybe the sign is ‘Relocating – New Location Four Provinces Over’. But that doesn’t quite express it either.

I find our move is taking up a lot of my energy. I’ve let my inner organizer get to work which has been helpful, but I feel the loss of the spaciousness I’ve known in the last year. When I started the blog, I was working, and it was therapeutic for me to write my angst. It helped me find a path towards more inner spaciousness and rest. Right now, I need a break from weekly writing, at least for the summer, or until the Spirit says again to me ‘Write Anne’. I want my offerings to be led by the Spirit and not by my driven, habitual nature. Perhaps they’ll become sporadic. I simply don’t know.

I’m currently reading one of David Benner’s books ‘Living Wisdom’. I’m wondering about writing a series in the fall that works through his material. Each chapter has ‘Questions to Ponder’ and an intriguing reading list. I’m considering using this material as the Study portion for my Rhythm of Life in the fall. He has published the book in a PDF and made it available without cost. If you’d like to explore it and consider joining me, here is the link:

You can download the PDF book at the following link: www.drdavidgbenner.ca/sdm_downloads/living-wisdom/

with the password: livingwisdom. If that fails try his website www.drdavidgbenner.ca

So… Good-bye for now. God is with you. Pray for me as Spirit leads you. Take care of each other. Who will you be kind to today? Who will you forgive? Who will you let love you?

I will miss you.

Love and Prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

 

I Need Help

 

Most people had left our party, but a small group was lingering, and I invited them to linger longer for an ‘after party’. I often find that time most special and again it was. Our conversation deepened, and we entered into child raising concerns. Hugh and I were clearly the older couple around the table. At one point a friend turned to me and said, ‘Anne, if you could do anything differently, what would it be?’ What a great question! Ah… to turn back the clock and raise our girls again with the wisdom of my sixties…. What would I do differently? I know right away what I’d do. I’d ask for help.

 

Forty years ago, when we were raising our daughters I didn’t know either, that there was help available or how to ask for it. I needed help for my own emotional well-being and also to sort out some of our child raising concerns. One of our daughters, even as an infant and toddler, exhibited extreme behaviour that I found very difficult to understand.

I’m so grateful that society has matured to make available and even mainstream many supports for our mental health and for parents, that weren’t commonplace in our day.

I also know the change that has taken place within me over these forty years. I don’t wear nearly as many coping masks as I wore in those days. I’m able to be more honest with myself and more transparent with others. I know and accept more honestly, my imperfections and limitations. I can say, ‘I don’t know. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I need help. Will you help me? I love you.’. I can live more simply from the ground of knowing that your life, is Your Life and not my business and yet still care for you. I’m comfortable in my own skin.

When I hurt physically, I can go to my chiropractor or doctor. When I’m stuck emotionally and can’t find my way through a tough feeling, I can ask a therapist to help me. I treasure having a soul friend and a spiritual director in my life to share my spiritual journey. I don’t expect my husband or friend to be my doctor, therapist or soul friend. I get to enjoy them, as husband and friend.

Gentle Reader, how about you? How do you ask for help? Or…. What would you do differently?

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

 

In the Candy Store

 

This week I’ve felt like a child in a candy store. From the groanings of my 50’s I moved into the celebration of my 60’s. From labour pains to holding my baby! The memoir course has been a grand accompaniment to our re-location. For the last eight weeks I’ve moved through my life one decade at a time. Each week I’d prepare 500 words about some incident or theme from that decade and each week I’d listen to the other participant’s stories of their experiences. We moved through our lives together, week by week. It was so interesting to hear similar themes emerge even though our locations, actual experiences and responsibilities were different. I became more aware of a common human thread to being human.

I’ve also been reading Jean Vanier’s “Tears of Silence” and this week savoured his poem about maturity.

 

 

maturity of the heart:

accepting

myself

with my limits

in my poverty

i do not fear

the

other

 

no fear that

i will be beaten up

devoured

lose my being

 

no fear

of showing who I am

 

I am very happy aging, growing comfortable with who I am. My 60’s have been by far the most satisfying decade of my life. A whole decade with Contemplative Fire where I have found a spiritual home and companionship. Our vision statement is “Creating a Community of Christ at the Edge”. This week I realized our re-location is taking us to the edge of our country, to the North Shore of British Columbia…. Hmmm I wonder what our Loving Spirit has in her mind.

And you, Gentle Reader, and your life journey…. Are you groaning or celebrating? How do you respond to the poem? Whatever your age, how do you respond to the aging process that is our lot as humans?

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

 

 

Take a Deep Breath and Push!

 

I’ve given birth to four babies. I know the feeling of the labour pains prior to birth. It’s commonly said mom’s forget those pains, and on one level I do….but I still retain residual memories! Women are wonderful, amazing beings to go through childbirth again and again and again.

But back to labour pains….one of the scriptures last Sunday was the description of how the Spirit groans within us. Creation is groaning, waiting for this world to be put right. We are groaning, waiting for things to be put right. Sometimes in our groans we can articulate the yearning, but often we can’t. There is simply something within us that groans. We know the world around us, the world within us isn’t right yet and we yearn, deeply longing for something else. The longing comes because we carry within us a God-given hope. The Spirit of God within us prays for us, with words we can’t understand. The Spirit either takes our groanings, or actually is our groaning, our longing for a shift.

Last week I found myself groaning. Some combination of the work of moving (memories get stirred up and then a pinch of concern gets added!) and a memoir course I’m taking (that week it was my 50’s – help, they were tumultuous!), stirred up deep longings within me. By the time Saturday came, I was tired.

When I read the Romans passage on Sunday, I could see my groanings with a different perspective. The ache, the longing, the waiting, the work of the week are the labour pains of the new life that is coming.

To be pregnant is fun but also at times painful and hard work. It is so rewarding when you hold your new infant … there are no words for that indescribable moment. I’ve been ‘pregnant’ in ministry too. I remember knowing deep within that Contemplative Fire was coming. Those months were precious. They were fun but also hard work and at times painful. And then… the fruit was precious. Our first retreat was memorable and there has been so much goodness in the years that followed.

I think I’m ‘pregnant’ again! I can feel the new life growing within me. I can smell the forest, feel the spaciousness of our new surroundings and hear the laughter of family around me. But, right now it is work and sometimes painful.

Childbirth hurts. Sometimes it felt like I was going to crack open. Bringing something new into the world hurts. Going through any kind of change in our life can often hurt. Shedding the skin of old ways. Fumbling, falling, learning new ways. It’s not easy. What if we are able to see the pain of change, as the groaning of new birth, as the longing of the Spirit within us for a new way forward, an expansion of God’s ways into the world? Each worry, fear, concern can be an ache of labour towards a new way to live.

There is always a new way coming. It doesn’t have to be a major move. Life is always unfolding. God’s Spirit is always at work drawing us closer and closer to a new world, a world where Love wins.

I choose love. In the midst of all the groanings of life, I choose to follow love’s pathway. I choose to walk hand in hand with goodness. When your groanings come…what will you choose?

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

Making It My Own

 

Have you ever taken something familiar or even very traditional, and made it your own?

One of the spiritual practices that Smith gives in ‘Good and Beautiful God’, is to recite Psalm 23 every night at bedtime for a week. It was probably at least four years ago that I first led a group through this exercise. I found it quite comforting, a bit of tucking myself in to sleep. I didn’t stop at the end of the week. In fact, the habit has continued for many years now, only I found the psalm began to take on its own life. As the spiritual truths of the psalm became more real to me, the words began to change. I began to make it my own. I’ve enjoyed a wonderful freedom as I’ve played with the phrasing. Crazy… but maybe a bit like a jazz singer massaging a standard hit! I’ve had many versions over the years.

In the middle of last night, I found myself once again with Psalm 23 and had the idea that it was time to share it with you.

The Lord is my Shepherd. I have everything I need.

You take me to the ocean and forests.

You restore my soul.

I walk hand in hand with you, and your goodness flows into the world.

 

Even when I walk through The Valley of The Shadows, I’m not afraid

for you are with me, to guide and comfort me.

When people betray me, desert me,

you are there.

You notice me, nourish and nurture me.

I feel so full of your loving presence. Anointed.

You flow through me.

 

For sure, I will live within your goodness and mercy

every day of my life.

I will rest within your Presence all my days.

******

I began by using the traditional words, again and again. Slowly as the months went by and the truth of the scripture began to sink into my heart, shaping it, the words began to change. Perhaps my current rendition will inspire you to stay with this psalm, and eventually to play with it and make it your own.

Be blessed.

Enjoy.

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

 

Still More Fallow Time (4)

more and more definitions spoke to me….

3. plowed and harrowed but left unsown for a period in order to restore its fertility as part of a crop rotation or to avoid surplus production.

Crop rotation! Yes, we don’t need to be doing the same thing year after year, season after season. We can change. May I be open to whatever changes My Farmer has in mind.

Surplus production! Yes, sometimes I think we just do and do and do. In churchland it seems more is always better, numbers are always a determining factor, but deep inside me I don’t believe that. I don’t want to be part of More, always More. I want to be part of significance, Spirit led significance in each of our lives. That might be more, it might be less. May I be open to the Whatever the Spirit wills, rather than the bigger and better our world, including the church, clamours for.

4. the tilling of land without sowing it for a season

in the midst of my ease. God’s Spirit is ‘doing’ something. I don’t know what it is, but I trust My Farmer with the care of my field. May God till the soil of my soul. May I rest and receive God’s care of my soil. Till away Dear One.

Are you experiencing the invitation to a crop rotation and the drive of surplus production? What would it be like to change what you are doing or to rest awhile?

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada