coping mechanisms

Having a Rhythm of Life

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Last week I had the odd experience of being a fly on the wall. I attended my community’s monthly ‘Time of Togetherness’, but was on my phone, non-identified and unable to unmute! Instead of participating verbally, I was given the opportunity to relax, be open and listen to what others were saying. I could and did, participate audibly. I valued hearing a variety of perspectives on our rhythm. It is good to hear the how deep the cord is that gently, yet strongly draws us together. Our rhythm was one of the key elements that drew me into Contemplative Fire in 2008. I was silent on Sunday, so now I’ll use some words to describe my experience of having a rhythm of life.

When I first encountered Contemplative Fire in 2008, via a DVD where the founder Revd Philip Roderick described the sacramental community, the trefoil and the rhythm of life that bound them together, I was in search for others who would keep me accountable in my spiritual life. I was an active priest, inclined to working too hard, and in a non-contemplative community. I needed help both to sustain me and contain me. I had explored traditional monastic communities and not found a match. With Contemplative Fire I found like-souled people, on a path like my own, and I was given a rhythm of life to both instruct and guide me. Fifteen years later, both the community and the rhythm continue to shape my life.  

Our rhythm is titled: Travelling Light – Dwelling Deep. It invites us to not be so wound up by the things of life, the activities of life and to draw instead from the awareness of big picture of life and harvest the inner resources of Spirit. The image of our rhythm is a trefoil, an ancient Celtic symbol that is both trinitarian and beyond. There are three leaves reflecting three guiding values with our community, prayer/study/action and all three leaves are grounded in the centre, named ‘The Wordless Space’, the Mystery at the heart of the universe, the Divine. Over the years Philip offered us different words for the three leaves: Stillwaters/The Learning Centre/Across the Threshold or A Contemplative Practice/A Creative Practice/A Compassionate Practice, each of them reflecting the core practices of prayer/study/action. With the adoption of this rhythm, our lives were to have a prayerful component that we could shape any way we liked; our lives were to have a learning/creating/teaching/mentoring component, again shaped as we were called and equipped; our lives were to be moving into deeper compassionate engagement with the world, seeking to be a change agent, an explorer, one willing to be different, always inclusive and loving. And each of these leaves, each prayerful movement, each creative venture, each compassionate engagement was to be grounded in, nourished and propelled by the Spirit of God, for each was coming from the Wordless Space, the Deep Mystery and Power of the Divine. The final added delight for me was that this rhythm is idiorhythmic, that means that each Companion’s rhythm will be distinctive to themselves and will change as they change. Here I was given structure that contained but didn’t control me. I heard this and said a resounding ‘Yes!’.

Enough words for this week! Next week I’ll put words to how my life has been shaped these last fifteen years through the rhythm embodied in the trefoil.

Do you have a guiding rhythm for your life?

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

Lost and Late

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How could this happen? I know where I’m going but I’m lost and going to be late!

I’m back in Paris visiting my family and it’s my first school pick-up day. I’m due to meet my youngest grandson after school and walk him to his soccer club. I’ve done this before but today is different. I’m visiting my daughter and suddenly realize the afternoon has slipped by and I’m very tight on time. I pull out my GPS to check the shortest route. It’s different from the one I would take, but I decide to follow the magic blue line to the school. I toss on my jacket, give a quick good-bye and head off at a fast pace, mingled with a bit of jog. Will I get there on time? I dread the thought of the young boy alone with no one to collect him. I speed walk. I jog. I realize I haven’t jogged in years. I speed walk. I don’t like the GPS route but I persist in it. Finally, I’m back closer to home and near the school. I think I’ve got it! No… a few blocks on and I’m lost. My heart is racing. Where am I? Old Paris has lots of twisting streets at odd angles to each other. I have a very poor sense of physical direction and I’ve lost my bearings. Back to the GPS. Ok this way…..my time is totally overdue now. The little boy is abandoned by his Gammy. Where am I? I’m following the blue line but I never seem to get closer to the school. Suddenly I turn a corner and know where I am. I’m on Montparnasse, nowhere near the school! What’s happened? I text his father to tell him I’m lost and late and I’ve missed his son. How could I have done this?

I realized later exactly what had happened. That afternoon some anxiety had risen in me and when I realized my time was tight, I relied on an external source, the GPS rather than my own internal source. I know how to get to the school. I have a wonderful route that I follow daily that runs across main streets and winds through back streets. Conversations that afternoon had touched a deep place in me and I was a bit unsettled, off my quiet centred spot. When I saw my time was tight for the pick-up, my anxiety increased and I stopped trusting myself. From my old sailing days I know that when we move through storms it’s time to tighten our sails, sailing close to the wind, close to our inner core. I did just the opposite. I stopped trusting myself and trusted my phone’s GPS.

Eventually all was well. Dad called the school who sent someone to find his son and help him on his way to soccer. No harm happened. I learnt another lesson. A couple of quotes from a helpful teacher, Lao Tzu:

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.

And ….
There is no need to run outside for better seeing. Nor to peer from a window. Rather abide at the center of your being; for the more you leave it, the less you learn. Search your heart and see the way to do is to be.  

I have what I need.

Being lost and late was a great learning experience for me. I hear God’s voice to me, “Once again Anne, slow down. Listen deep within. You have what you need. I am with you. You are not alone.”

How do you cope when you’re ‘lost and late’?

Love and prayers for the journey

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way.

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

Blinded By Light

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One day, on a BC ferry, I looked up and the brilliant sunlight blinded my eyes. Even though bright sun in the winter is a rare treat to be savoured in BC, I had to close my eyes and turn away. The light was too much for me.

Have you had moments when you suddenly know something; a truth lands deep inside you, an awareness, an insight, a moment of clarity, an ‘Ah-ah’ moment, an epiphany? I’m sure you have. Suddenly we see a truth about ourselves, or someone else, or about relationships, or for some people it’s a scientific breakthrough. Mine aren’t world changing discoveries but are usually about myself or life in general. They’re special gifts, always just what is needed.

That ferry moment was another special learning. Just as I turned away from the brilliant sunshine, I often turn away from a deep truth that I’ve been shown. I might stay open to it for an instant or for a few minutes. I might hold it in my heart and mull it over on and off, even for years. Usually what happens, even if it’s a long-term mulling, is that I close the eyes of heart and understanding for it’s simply too brilliant for my ego self to remain open. Ego likes murky light. When the spiritual light is bright, the ego must surrender its dominance. One key aspect of spiritual growth is letting the ego surrender its central role, and take a more practical, needs-based role. What if I can strengthen my spiritual muscles so I remain open to the Light of Truth when it is given to me? Not pull back, but stay present, even walk into the Light, holding and owning the Truth. For some reason the Divine One has chosen to pull back the murky curtains of illusion that cover us in this world and give a glimpse into the bigger picture, the divine reality. I’m being given a Truth, with a capital ‘T’, that will move me forward as a human being. What if I remain open to that Truth?

What if?

What if you remain open to one of the truths you’ve received over the years? Can you go back and name one? And then rest in it, opening yourself to his life and energy?

This awareness feels so good to me. I don’t want to turn from the Light. I want to walk into the Light. I want to live in the Light.

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living 

“Sinners” No More

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Last week I shared an experience I had with knowing God’s love even when I had been hurtful to someone. It was a life-shaping encounter that I continue to grow into, but more about that next week. This week I’m sharing with you a blog a reader sent me in response to last week. Nadia Bolz-Weber writes eloquently of the depth and breadth of God’s love for us as shared by Jesus in the story we often call the ‘The Prodigal Son’. A real misnomer — ‘The Inexhaustible Love of God for Us’ would be closer to what he wanted us to hear. Hope this link leads you to her blog, and you take the time to read – maybe five minutes.

https://thecorners.substack.com/p/slightly-off-brand-children?r=17mo2c&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email

Love and prayers on the journey

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire, Founder Contemplative Fire Canada

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member with Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

Walls

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Walls – they come in all sorts of shapes, lengths and materials, serving so many different purposes: containing flowers, guarding countries, separating neighbours, organizing farms, guiding cars, blocking noise…… Just now on TV is a show about Irish stone walls. Everywhere today I’m finding walls!

Tonight, on the drive home while listening to a podcast on the fall of ancient empires, I heard this gem that I want to share with you. Right near the end of their empire the Sumerians built a wall to protect one of their cities. There was an ocean on one side, rivers on two sides and so they thought a wall could be the final protection. Sure, lots of ancient cities or empires have been protected by walls. Like most of those walls, the Sumerian one failed too. The author said so simply…..”Walls only work as long as there is a garrison sustaining them.” That was it. I heard the truth, but not in the historical context.

Walls aren’t only outside are they? We have walls inside that divide our life into different roles and help both organize and protect us. Often, they are useful for they allow us to function in the rough and tumble of life, but they have limits. They also keep us from feeling deeply or seeing clearly or making wise choices.

Lately I’ve been thinking about a wall inside me. Truthfully, lately I’ve been feeling that wall. When I was away on retreat I began to chat with Jesus and dear Mother Mary, the Undoer of Knots, about the wall. I gave consent for them to dismantle it. In effect I told the garrison that has guarded my wall to stand down, dismissed them, sent them back home. I trust Jesus and Mary to dismantle the wall in their own slow and loving way.

I’ve known about my interior wall for many years. One of my earliest oil paintings was of a stone wall in the French countryside. When it was completed, and I sat back to consider it I realized I needed to paint another picture with the wall coming down. I am attracted to walls in nature, yet I couldn’t allow my art to express only the starkness and containment of a wall. I needed to paint, to express the wall coming down. I’ve kept those pictures and often reflected on them, feeling the openness and female power of the second image.

When I heard those words on the drive home tonight, I knew again the presence of Spirit at work in my life. I wanted to acknowledge the garrison that protected me most of my life, and once again send them home, and give consent to Jesus to do the dismantling work. It’s time for that wall crumble. I feel secure enough to stand in the world without that wall.

Walls. They have a place. But there is also a time to let them come down. God doesn’t violate us, but waits for our ask, our whole-hearted ask, longs for it. Are you in touch with any of your walls? What might be the invitation for you?

Behind the interior wall is the goodness that is in my heart and yours. Our wonderful internal, eternal beauty and light glows. Time for walls to come down. What would it be like to give consent to Jesus, to trust him to send the garrison home and begin the slow and loving crumble of the wall?

It’s a journey, not easy, never dull, always heading home.

Love and prayers for the journey

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation

Companion on The Rivendell Way

Creek Time

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The creek is pouring down the mountainside today. We always hear the creek. Even in the summer when it becomes a small stream, we can hear it from our home. The odd day in the summer I hear the highway traffic from far below us, but usually I just hear the creek flowing. We’ve had a couple of days of rain and now the creek is FLOWING! From somewhere up high on the mountain the waters come together and find the dip in the land near our home to make the journey to the ocean. It’s relentless. Always flowing. I can’t see the source, but I know the flow.

Deep inside each of us is a mountain spring with flowing waters, waters that want to move through us and out to the ocean around us. Sometimes that Source of Love within us flows freely, sometimes it’s dry as a summer creek bed. Sometimes, to let the water flow freely, boulders or old trees have to be pushed out of the way or come bounding down the creek causing their own bit of havoc. Same for us, sometimes we have old ways, thoughts, memories, tapes that need to be washed away so the Water from the Spring of Love can flow through us.

I have a song that I sing sometimes before I meditate, or as I walk the mountain road listening to the creek beneath me. It goes something like this…..

My heart is open to you.

My heart is open to you.

My heart is open to you,

Open to You, open to You

Remove the boulders, remove the barriers, remove the debris,

So your Love flows through me,

So your Joy flows through me,

So your Peace flows through me,

So your Wisdom flows through me.

So YOU flow through me

Have some fun with it. Make up your own tune, play with the words to make them your own. Let’s sing new life into us, into those around us, into the world.

My heart is open to you….

Love and prayers from a singing Mystic in Motion  

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder

Society Member with Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

Companion with The Rivendell Way


			

	


			
				


	

							
Choices
						

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I make choices. We all make them everyday.  This week I felt the cloak of judgement settle on me. Someone named an aroma of pride in me and I felt the judgement settle around me. Yes, I could smell the pride too, so I own the pride, but wrestle with the sense of judgement. I wonder if it comes from choices I make.


I was at the Blood Donor Clinic answering their long questionnaire. There is a little delight that creeps through me as I continue to check the ‘no’ boxes on the medical form. I’m 71 and I don’t take any meds. I have no underlying conditions. And yes, I can feel a bit of pride in being able to check those boxes, so when someone hinted that my pride was connected to self-righteousness I had to pause and consider.


What’s this pride about my health? What’s responsible for my health? Am I in control of it? Hardly, for partly I have my Dad’s genes and he had nothing to do with doctors till his very last years, dying at home from a heart attack at 89.  Partly I have my mom’s genes that weren’t so healthy but something inside me decided years ago that I didn’t want to follow her route, so I make food and exercise choices. Partly I suppose it’s the gift of this body for this life and in that I’m grateful. I appreciate a body that works well even as it ages. Partly I’m healthy because of genes I inherited but also because of choices I’ve made.


I think here the feeling of judgement creeps in. Some of my health comes from the emotional work I’ve done. I don’t carry a lot of emotional baggage anymore. I’m very content with my imperfections including my need to be perfect! That work reduces my stress level enormously which I’m sure leads to good body health. When something gets triggered in me, which it does, like this need to process pride, I try to clean my emotional house. I don’t like internal clutter, junk of the past that I trip over. My current lifestyle is also my choice and contributes to my health. It’s gentle, I’m open to doing more, but careful what I let in. I don’t want to overextend as I’ve done in the past. Been there done that, don’t need to do it again, but am willing to serve however I’m called. Right now, it’s that small circle I’ve written about. And I’m certainly healthy through my spiritual practices, ways of being that nourish my inner sense of Self, of connection with God’s Love, Joy, Peace and Wisdom.


I do choose to engage in spiritual practices just like I choose what to eat, but I don’t make those choices out of duty, or to look good or to belong to a group. I make those choices out of a wonderful, warm embrace of God. I feel close to something that I name as God. I know there is so much more I might experience, but I value what I have known and want more and more and more.


Possibly the core of my health is that yearning for more of God in my life, more Love, more Joy, more Peace, more Wisdom, more Gentleness, more Kindness, more Forgiveness…. I hope you know what I mean. I simply want More of MORE God. And I’ve discovered that not everyone does. For years I thought everyone needs to discover what I’ve peeked at, but I’ve come to realize that not everyone wants to peek down the pathways that I want to run down. Is that why I feel the label of judgement? I’m sort of okay now with people who don’t want to join me on spiritual cleansing paths, but maybe not completely and maybe they feel an inner judgement from me. It’s hard for me to understand why people are so caught up in the things of this life when there is so much MORE and that MORE makes this life much more wonderful. But then, I’ve only my life to live, not theirs. I need to let them live their life, walk their path and me grow in loving them just as they are. There’s room for me to grow there.


I know I feel warmth and affection toward the one that rightly named my health pride. I’m glad they did. Yet I’m also happy to make the choices that I do make about how to live my life. I wish they knew that my choices come from Love, from being loved and I kinda think they don’t know that LOVE yet as a daily life-giving fountain. That’s my basic life choice; I choose Love, more Love.


Rambling Thoughts from a Mystic in Motion


Anne


Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire


Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder


Society Member of Shalem Institute


 


 

			

	


			
				


	

							
There’s More to That Story!
						

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Sometimes a trip into town can be most surprising. Today was one of those days.


As I headed into town to do a few errands I listened to a podcast from Michael Meade with ‘Living Myth’. I didn’t know anything about him. It simply was the first one that showed on my app and the title was intriguing. Off down the highway I went and soon found myself enjoying his social commentary from a contemplative perspective. He was telling a story about three fish and nestled within that story was another one about a wise bird. Although his main social commentary was coming from these animal stories, he also was describing the role of story, folk stories and myths in human culture. He said the stories exist not for us to believe them, but to learn from them.  They are a means for one generation to teach another. Ah….will I allow myself to move from belief into learning, into transformation, into new ways, into something new being birthed????


During my first few decades within the church being a Christian involved knowing what to believe. I was taught ‘correct’ doctrine through sermons, small groups and independent study of authors who taught ‘correct’ theology. I did hours of Bible study that was shaped by commentaries with a particular perspective. I was taught apologetics, so I’d have a ‘correct’ answer to any question. It was all about belief.


What if we read the Jesus stories not to believe them but to learn from them? I was taught that it was important to believe that each detail of the Gospel stories was true. The belief in historical reality was what was important, not that I ponder and be shaped by the truth within the stories.  Later I learned to pray with the gospel stories using my imagination. Jesus became so real to me. I watched him laugh, sweat and fall asleep. I sat with him as a child and walked with him as a man. He wasn’t a storybook character, nor theological construction, nor a remote divinity. He was a real man, who knew me and cared for me. He wanted to hear my questions, my worries and my discoveries. His love for me began to change me as I allowed him to give me his wisdom.


I’m grateful for my years of scripture study. And I’m grateful too that now I can still learn from those stories, as well as the stories within different traditions. I’m grateful that I’m not constrained by specific beliefs, but allowed to constantly grow and change, held and shaped by a compassionate, loving God who I know through Jesus.


It was a great trip into town. I came home with new plants for the garden, food for tomorrow’s picnic, reaffirmed in my perspective on being a spiritual human and having found a thoughtful person who is doing his bit to bring some help into our groaning, smokey world. Of course all done keeping social distance and mask on!




Where are you at today? Learning or believing?


Love and questions from a Mystic in Motion


Anne


Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire


Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder


Shalem Society Member

			

	


			
				


	

							
Attuned to Jesus
						

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The other day I heard a bell ringing repeatedly. I mentioned it to another person near me and they didn’t hear it at all. It was ringing on a frequency that wasn’t in their range. Any of us who care for dogs will experience that too. Last night on our evening walk, our dogs were so excited, and yet I couldn’t see anything! Often dogs can hear things that we can’t. The sounds are still there, but I don’t have the frequency required to hear them.


This week I’ve been thinking a lot about Jesus and how I’ve known him over the years. I feel close to him and consider him my friend, my very best spiritual teacher, the one who has made me whole, who connects me to God. I shy away from church language of ‘Savour’ or ‘Son of God’ for I find many of those words to be encased in theology and lacking the intimacy of the one who appeared in bedroom when I was eight or who spoke to me in an art gallery in Venice, or who washed me Joy one night when I was so very dirty. In this season of my life, I prefer to set aside theology and live within my known experience.


That gets me back to frequencies. I want to be attuned to Jesus, to be able  to hear his whispers and sense his movements. I want my spirit to be sensitive to Jesus and to all his friends, the ones both alive and who have left us, all who draw us closer to the source of all life, to what we call God.


I know sometimes I don’t hear his sound. Sometimes I’m distracted by the stuff of life or my own internal workings and I can’t hear when his bell rings or when he comes down the driveway at night. But I want to. I want to be attuned to the whisper of Jesus. I think I’ll ask him to help me. He’s really good at helping his friends.


What gets your attention? What or who do you listen to? Who is your friend who will help you?


Love and prayers


Anne


Mystic in Motion


Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire


Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder

			

	


			
				


	

							
I Am Part of Something Larger
						

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One of my favourite authors used the expression ‘I’m part of something larger’ and a deep chime sounded within me. Yes – me too!


My readings recently have taken me into an exploration of many faith traditions  and how they’ve each answered the basic questions of  human existence; why are we here, what is our purpose, how do we make meaning out of life? As I sip from many different spiritual watering holes, I become more aware of my connection to everyone, past, present and future as well as to Earth. I carry within my physical genes the DNA of my parents, grandparents and their ancestors. As ‘Anne’, I’m not a single individual living in Lions Bay BC, but one whose body DNA is a container of ancient and future life. As ‘Anne’ I’m not a single individual, but one whose soul DNA is part of the cosmos, an eternal and complete being, connected to Earth and Heaven. I am a part of something larger than my own everyday life.


Today someone asked if I’d share with them some ‘coping strategies’ of breathing and meditation. I agreed, but realized that I don’t offer ‘coping strategies’. For me breathing practices and mediation are ways I nourish my soul. Without them my soul would be malnourished. My body needs water to survive and grow. My soul needs prayer and meditation. Without them, my soul withers. Too often I see people not nourishing their souls with meditation, but instead trying other coping strategies to survive or give their life purpose; working, accumulating wealth, focus on relationships, amusement, exercise, food – you could make the list. We have many ‘coping strategies’!


If only we stopped, took a deep breath and began to be present within this moment. If only we meditated regularly, opening our soul to God’s Loving Presence, allowing ourselves to connect with the Source of All Life, to follow the pathway that Jesus, or the Spirit gives, a way of peace, forgiveness, wisdom and joy.


Our life is so much bigger than our daily grind. Each one of us is part of the larger picture. I hope so much that many more of us will stop and be open to who we are as God’s Children, part of the human family on Earth. We are all part of the larger picture and hence, all part of the solution.




Love and prayers


Anne


Mystic in Motion


Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire


Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder