Spiritual Cataract Surgery: Re-writing My Story

 

Sometimes it’s like a veil is pulled back and I see things differently. Those are wonderful Epiphany Moments. What have they been like for you? Those moments when you see yourself, or a situation, or the world differently.

I was lying in bed last week in a small cabin in the woods. I’d told a group of people some of my story, a tiny bit of my sad childhood when I felt so alone in the world. Later that night, tucked into my cabin the Spirit gently and graciously pulled back the curtain and showed me a totally different view of my childhood. I was never alone. There was never a moment I was on my own or unloved. There was never an instant in which I was neglected. I was always cherished. Always.

Last week in my blog I shared my increasing awareness that we are one with God. Growing out of that awareness, I was able to grasp on an emotional level that I have never been alone. I am God’s child, one with God. I came from God and will return when I leave this world. There is a huge difference between intellectual understanding and emotional knowing. Epiphany Moments are about emotional knowing. They are life changing.

From that moment in my cabin I have re-written my childhood story. Yes, I may tell of some of the experiential emptiness, but it is no longer the whole story. Nor do I tell the story from that emotional standpoint. I’m so deeply grateful to our wonderful, loving God who graces me with moments of clarity. I no longer see my life through shadowy eyes. Hmmmm ….  Is this a spiritual cataract moment?

And what is true for me, I know is true for you …. You are God’s beloved child too. Always loved. Always.

When have you had such a moment? A time when you had a paradigm shift? Your eyes were opened, even for a flickering moment and you KNEW something. Everything changed and came together in a whole new way.

I’d love to hear your stories.

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way” with Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder

 

Cleaning Up for the New Year: Three Ways to Refresh Your Life

 

Yesterday the cleaners came through our home. It was wonderful. I put away most of the Christmas decorations and did the light dusting. They did the heavier work of washing floors, vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen. When all was done our home sparkled! It felt wonderful. A fresh beginning.

After a New Year’s Reflection, I’m ready to refresh my life with a bit of house cleaning too. I call it ‘Life-cleaning’. The mop and dusting cloths that I use are threefold. First, my grounding rhythm of life: Travelling Light – Dwelling Deep.; second, my particular rhythm of Still Waters/Learning Journey/Across the Threshold or Contemplative Practice/Creative Practice/Compassionate Practice; third, focusing on Priorities – Let First Things be First.

Once again I say a big ‘YES’ to my grounding rhythm. I don’t want to let the ‘stuff’ of life creep in. This year I enjoyed discovering Richard Wagamese. One of his devotions was about ‘letting go of unnecessary stuff’. I want to continue to grow in living lightly, easily and gently. I also will say a big ‘YES’ to dwelling deep. I want my connection to God to be the grounding piece of all my life. I want to live connected to God’s Spirit, resting and trusting in God’s Presence. I will seek God each day, throughout the day.

I have found having a particular rhythm a significant part of keeping my life in order. I am clear on what my prayer practice is currently. It is focused on deepening my mediation experience. My study rhythm for the next few months is largely around contemplative lifestyle practices. I have several authors I’m reading for the first time. I continue with a desire to grow in compassion towards myself and others. I’m particularly interested in expressing that compassion to those closest too me, ones who might trigger me!

Setting priorities has helped me sort out what is helpful and what is the unnecessary stuff that has crept into my life. I find it is so easy to have commitments creep into my days. This year I name that I have two priorities. One is to develop more loving relationships with those close to me. The second is to write a book that will help people all over the world fall in love with our amazing God.

So, largely thanks to the cleaners K&V, my house is clean. My hope is to tend it regularly. Yet I know what a challenge that is to me! And now, I’ve done my refresh for 2020. My hope is to tend my life each day too. Oh I know that can be a challenge too! But I carry HOPE.

How about you? Do you have a grounding rhythm? A particular rhythm? What are your priorities for 2020? I’d love to hear how you enter into a new year.

Above all…lets enjoy each day, being kind to one another.

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire Canada (Founder)

 

Lessons from Children

First it was my grand puppy and then the grandchildren. I have found animals and children to be some of my best spiritual teachers. Have you? What lessons have you learnt?

Last week as the grandchildren visited us, I was so aware of their relationship with their father. He is a quiet, thoughtful and attentive man, a primary school teacher by training and a caring father. The children are very secure with him. They can ask him anything and they listen to him, at least most of the time! They know they are loved by him and safe in the world. They are visiting us in a new home, a new location and are content, curious about what is around them, but content.

The same week they were visiting, in my meditation time I was invited to ponder both the phrase and the reality that I am a child of God. Repeatedly I held that phrase, that reality within my mind and my heart. I’m very grateful that I know I’m loved by God. I know that deep down within my soul. It was what makes everything all right for me. Because I feel secure in God’s love, I can move across the country and open myself to a new life. Because I feel secure in God’s love, I was able to say, ‘I think I have a calling to priesthood’, despite the world around me not affirming women in leadership. Because I feel secure in God’s love, I was able to work in environments that weren’t supportive to my perspective. Because I feel secure in God’s love, I can move towards forgiveness when I’m ignored, snubbed or ridiculed.

But it wasn’t always that way. I didn’t grow up in a home where I felt safe and content. I grew up frightened and hiding. I didn’t have a relationship with my father or mother where I could ask questions, where I could explore new ways. My childhood experience was radically different than my grandchildren’s. I’m so grateful that theirs is different!

I know that I’m not alone in my experience. Many of us grow up troubled and then we’re told ‘we’re children of God’. That’s not such a good thing when our childhood memory is troublesome. I’m grateful that I was able to make that transition from a frightened little girl to a mature and secure woman, one who knows she is a Child of God, who knows that her father is generous, compassionate and kind. Being with my grandchildren helped me deepen my child-like trust of God. They really are ‘grand’!

We are Children of God. Everyone of us. Everyone of us. And our Father is good, all the time.

 

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire Canada (Founder)

Listening for the Big YES!

We have had some friends visiting with us for the last few days. Conversations rambled all over the place, but one day as we were climbing the hill from the beach one friend turned and asked me, “What are you working on Anne? What are you writing?”. It was such a lovely question. He truly was interested in my writing. He’s a songwriter so we connect over words and how evocative they can be, as well as a shared spirituality.

I’ve discovered I really enjoy being ‘a writer’. It feels so comfortable to me, like pulling on an old pair of slippers! Yes, that’s what I’ve always been, yet never acknowledged till this past year. I do acknowledge that now and can talk with him about what I’m working on. Yet I don’t really know yet what I am working on, except my writing craft. Maybe you, Gentle Reader can help me focus.

I replied to him that I’ve started up my blog again ‘Mystic in Motion’, so I write weekly for it. I also usually do Morning Pages, rambling thoughts each day to keep me writing. I’m wondering about a book focus. I’ve started my spiritual memoirs which are not my whole story, but the times when the veil was pulled back and I encountered the presence of God in a significant, life-shaping way. I’ve also wondered about gathering my devotional writing, the reflections I wrote for years for Contemplative Fire and organize them into a devotional reader. They would be little tidbits you can taste. Or is there something else? Over the years I’ve thought of writing about gender issues in the workplace, particularly in ministry. But then I began a Master Writer’s Class and have been focused on sorting through my motivation, audience, ideal reader etc. Don’t I need to decide which project I’ll focus on? Or do I hold several at a time?

I unloaded all that on my friend as we climbed the mountain. It was good to share with a kindred soul, but I didn’t come to any conclusion. All I know, more and more clearly, is that in this next season of life I’ll spend significant time spreading words around a page. I like that thought… a lot.

Help me Gentle reader… memoir or devotions? Or something else? Help me hear the Big Yes, the kind of YES, that makes other things melt away.

When have you heard a ‘Big YES’?

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Founder Contemplative Fire (Canada)

 

The Colander of My Life

 

Perhaps this will feel like an upside-down image for you, but please stay with me and see if it works!

We are God’s children, lovely, delightful, complex creatures, dearly loved by The Divine One. God pours out an abundance of generous grace and love towards us each day, even each moment of each day. That is the Nature of Love – abundant and freely given.

For many years I couldn’t receive the Love that was there for me. It was as if my life was a colander, a large bowl made to receive, but filled with holes. The holes in my life were things like fear, doubt, anxiety, envy, judgement and insecurity. Or words such as ‘not good enough’, ‘you can’t’, ‘that’s not true’, ‘how could you?’. Each time Love was poured into my life, it would escape through one of the holes and I’d not experience it. Instead of a large full round colander, it was as if I held up a tiny thimble to God. I could only receive the tiniest bit of Love.

I was so thirsty for Love. I went to God again and again, asking to be filled. Slowly over the years through hours of reflective prayer and personal work, I began to experience those holes being filled. I discovered  an internal sense of peace, joy and love that wasn’t dependent on my circumstances. I began to recognize the untrustworthy voices and feelings within me that had drilled the holes into my colander.

God’s Grace is always pouring Love towards us, but will we receive it? I needed to slow down, open myself to the healing work that I needed, acknowledge it and engage in it. Then I was ready to begin to receive the constant flow of God’s Love into my life. Yes, there is God’s Grace, but I have an active part in receiving it.

Once the holes in our colander begin to be healed, we can receive and relish the delights of Love. Then our colanders, our lives can fill, fill to overflowing and God’s Healing Love can reach others through us. But we need to do our own work first. I’m persuaded that I won’t love you, anymore than I honestly love myself, and I don’t begin to deeply love myself till I acknowledge my holes and enter into the healing work. Then I will be of service to others. That’s the human journey.

I know part of this image doesn’t work for a colander without holes becomes a bowl…. but there is something in it that speaks to me, something about those holes in my life that lets goodness seep away. I hope there is something to help some of you as well.

How are you on receiving and retaining Love? What are the holes in your colander? What kind of internal work are you being invited to participate in?

Love and Prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Founder (Canada) of Contemplative Fire

www.contemplativefire.ca

 

A Question One Morning

 

Ask yourself this question: “Have I ever tried to do anything that nobody else has ever done?”

In my devotional readings this morning, that was a question that jumped right off the page and into my lap!

I’m the youngest of three daughters. As a young person, even into my early twenties, I often felt that I couldn’t do anything my older sisters hadn’t already done. I went to the same primary school, high school and university. I attended the same summer camp and the went on the same family holidays. I felt defined by those objective events and blind to the uniqueness of ‘Anne’.

When I juggled that question around in my lap, I began to find many things that I had done that nobody else had done in the world. I began to savour anew my uniqueness. Some of the unique things I found were on the showy side, the upfront side, the side that can be noticed in the world. Other things were quieter, small everyday expressions of creativity. I appreciate that I was given the privilege of bringing Contemplative Fire into Canada – that’s on the upfront side of life. It touched my creative side and has been a real joy to me. I appreciate too that I was gifted with being able to birth four amazing young women. They are like no one else in the world. But creativity is in everyday things too. I moved from Stibbard Avenue in Toronto to Oceanview Road in Lions Bay. I don’t think anyone else, besides my husband has done that! Let’s get into even smaller everyday things looking for creativity. A dear one taught me how to open my closet and create an outfit to wear each day that will give me joy! No one else in the world will have that particular outfit on, on that particular day!

The devotional writer was stirring our creative energy. He was teaching us how we are within our spirit united to God’s Spirit. We are to relax and follow our intuition. It will lead us into a creative expression in the world, one that only we can make. I know deeply the presence of God within each one of us. Will we listen. Will we be awake spiritually, attentive to the movements within us? And listening, will we respond and move within the creative flow, saying ‘YES!’?

Ask yourself this question: “Have I ever tried to do anything that nobody else has ever done?”

Celebrate the goodness that is YOU.

 

Love and Prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Founder (Canada) of Contemplative Fire

www.contemplativefire.ca

READER ALERT! WordPress has begun inserting ads below my blogs. Better stop reading here!!

 

 

Open Heart, Open Mind

Have you ever experienced a shift within yourself? It might be around what I’d call your heart space, or it could be within your mind.

I think I first became aware of it within my mind. I grew up with a clear sense of right and wrong. Then as a young Christian I was in a very strong doctrinal community where absolute truths were taught so I developed a clear sense of correct beliefs. If I heard a ‘new’ idea, I quickly, both intuitively and intellectually, ran it through my grid of acceptable beliefs. If it didn’t fit, and many didn’t, out it went. I couldn’t tolerate anything internally that would unsettle me.

Over the years my heart space has become much larger and much deeper. I spent years growing a contemplative pattern into my life. As I did that, I encountered the Love (with a capital ‘l’) of God. I became aware of how present God is around me and within me. My sense of myself,  not only at peace with God, but as Jesus describes in John’s Gospel, one with God, became deeply real to me. As that happened, the roots of my heart space went deep into the Love of Christ. I became more secure within God’s Love and then more secure hearing many different ideas.

Now I’m often aware of internal movements – my heart opens, my heart closes. My mind opens, my mind closes.

I’ve watched how I’ve changed in my reaction to ideas. I can see how I can be open to new ideas or closed to them. The voice within me used to be very strong. “NO – that’s not what I think.” I would pull away, not even able to entertain that thought. It was outside my comfort zone. It’s beyond what I’d been taught as ‘true’ or ‘good’ or ‘healthy’ or ‘honest.” But now my response is more “That’s interesting. Does it bring peace, joy, kindness, compassion, forgiveness into me, into the world?”

I began to be able to have open ears and to listen to different ideas. The filter that I ran them through changed dramatically. I was no longer needing every idea to fit into a prescribed article of faith/belief. I could reflect on them and gather the impact of the idea on me and others around me. If I walk this way, will I come closer to others? If I encompass this belief will I be more gracious to other human beings? Slowly, my mind began to become open. Now I embrace living with an open mind. As the old song says, ‘Don’t Fence Me In’!

For me, to begin to cultivate an open mind, I had to have an open heart. To develop an open heart, I had to allow my roots to go deeply, experiencially, into the Love of Christ.  I spent time in prayer, study, and spiritual conversations. It is why I love to offer people the contemplative pathway – learn to slow down, discover you’re Loved by God, and then live out of what you hear.

Open heart, open mind.

When do you experience your mind opening, closing, your heart opening, closing?

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

FYI – I’ve written a few blogs for Red Hat Outfitters. If you’re curious, or seeking a special holiday, it’s a  different sort of blog describing some of my travel experiences:  redhatoutfitters.com

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There’s a Sign on My Door…

There’s a sign on my door, but what is it? ‘Gone Fishing’ implies I’m off on holiday. ‘Out to Lunch’ says I’m taking a needed break for nourishment. ‘Under New Management’ says same business but new influence. ‘Sold’ says I’ve closed and ‘Retiring – Thanks for your business’ says the same. To some degree all of those are true, but not quite expressive of what’s happening to me.

As the days lengthen with summer ease, we prepare for our annual family visit and our move kicks into high gear, I realize the desire to release myself from the discipline of offering a weekly thought. I always write, for it’s second nature to me, but I need to give myself the permission to publish again when I’m ready. I want my offerings to be Spirit led, not pushed by my driven nature who produces no matter what!

Maybe the sign is ‘Relocating – New Location Four Provinces Over’. But that doesn’t quite express it either.

I find our move is taking up a lot of my energy. I’ve let my inner organizer get to work which has been helpful, but I feel the loss of the spaciousness I’ve known in the last year. When I started the blog, I was working, and it was therapeutic for me to write my angst. It helped me find a path towards more inner spaciousness and rest. Right now, I need a break from weekly writing, at least for the summer, or until the Spirit says again to me ‘Write Anne’. I want my offerings to be led by the Spirit and not by my driven, habitual nature. Perhaps they’ll become sporadic. I simply don’t know.

I’m currently reading one of David Benner’s books ‘Living Wisdom’. I’m wondering about writing a series in the fall that works through his material. Each chapter has ‘Questions to Ponder’ and an intriguing reading list. I’m considering using this material as the Study portion for my Rhythm of Life in the fall. He has published the book in a PDF and made it available without cost. If you’d like to explore it and consider joining me, here is the link:

You can download the PDF book at the following link: www.drdavidgbenner.ca/sdm_downloads/living-wisdom/

with the password: livingwisdom. If that fails try his website www.drdavidgbenner.ca

So… Good-bye for now. God is with you. Pray for me as Spirit leads you. Take care of each other. Who will you be kind to today? Who will you forgive? Who will you let love you?

I will miss you.

Love and Prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

 

I Need Help

 

Most people had left our party, but a small group was lingering, and I invited them to linger longer for an ‘after party’. I often find that time most special and again it was. Our conversation deepened, and we entered into child raising concerns. Hugh and I were clearly the older couple around the table. At one point a friend turned to me and said, ‘Anne, if you could do anything differently, what would it be?’ What a great question! Ah… to turn back the clock and raise our girls again with the wisdom of my sixties…. What would I do differently? I know right away what I’d do. I’d ask for help.

 

Forty years ago, when we were raising our daughters I didn’t know either, that there was help available or how to ask for it. I needed help for my own emotional well-being and also to sort out some of our child raising concerns. One of our daughters, even as an infant and toddler, exhibited extreme behaviour that I found very difficult to understand.

I’m so grateful that society has matured to make available and even mainstream many supports for our mental health and for parents, that weren’t commonplace in our day.

I also know the change that has taken place within me over these forty years. I don’t wear nearly as many coping masks as I wore in those days. I’m able to be more honest with myself and more transparent with others. I know and accept more honestly, my imperfections and limitations. I can say, ‘I don’t know. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I need help. Will you help me? I love you.’. I can live more simply from the ground of knowing that your life, is Your Life and not my business and yet still care for you. I’m comfortable in my own skin.

When I hurt physically, I can go to my chiropractor or doctor. When I’m stuck emotionally and can’t find my way through a tough feeling, I can ask a therapist to help me. I treasure having a soul friend and a spiritual director in my life to share my spiritual journey. I don’t expect my husband or friend to be my doctor, therapist or soul friend. I get to enjoy them, as husband and friend.

Gentle Reader, how about you? How do you ask for help? Or…. What would you do differently?

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada

 

 

The Quiet Centre at the Heart of Me

 

Last week I was ruminating on my Pinball Brain, but this week my focus is on my Quiet Centre. I’m actually writing these two blogs on the same day, just minutes apart. You’ll get them a week apart, but they are deeply connected.

At the same time as I’m living with my Pinball Brain, I also am in touch with a quietness that pervades my inner world. I’m very still inside myself these days. One day I sat at my abandoned art table and got out one of my creative books to see if it would stimulate me. As I read, the author described pictures emerging from within her. I realized that one of the reasons my art table is abandoned, is that there are no pictures emerging within me. When I started about ten years ago to intentionally learn to draw and paint, there were pictures that were emerging within me, but now there are no pictures. It’s not time to create at my table. It’s time to be quiet.

Not only are there no pictures within me, there are no lessons to teach, illustrations to share, sermons to preach, or ideas for groups. That’s a huge change for me. Since my call to ministry in 1990 I’ve regularly had a flow from within for teaching. I’m very quiet in my central core right now. I continue to hold that sense that God has lifted my gifting from me and I’m to be still. It’s unfamiliar, uncomfortable and beautiful at the same time.

No pictures, no lessons and there’s also no leadership initiative within me. I read leadership books and can feel the old stirring, but then it subsides again. I return to the quiet place.

The quiet place at my centre reaches out and touches so many parts of my life. I have no desire to be in groups, workshops, retreats or services. I’m still resting in the depth of what I experienced during my Sabbath Leave.

At my core is quietness and yet I live with a Pinball Brain.

That’s me for now. How are you?

If this is interesting to you, please show support by sharing it with a friend. Let’s broaden the contemplative pathway.

Love and prayers

Anne+

Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire, Community Leader Canada