I’ve missed writing for the past few weeks. I’d think about it, but I just couldn’t do it. Usually, I write from what speaks to me during the week. It is one more way I have of reflecting on life. But ‘life’ has been turbulent the last month partly with an expected, but unexpected wedding that was quickly planned and executed (quite brilliantly by the couple), but also with four relational bumps that caused me to slow down and do some serious reflection. My days have been filled with much wedding delight, but my heart has been more tender as I find my way through the bumps. Maybe that’s okay.
I believe that I am here on earth to learn and grow spiritually. That’s the core of life, so I see all the circumstances of life as providing lessons for my soul growth. I know if I change, the world changes and that’s my major contribution to making this a kinder world. But the lessons – some are easier than others! This last month had some harder lessons for me, ones that took me to a deeper place in that hidden part of me I don’t really know; ones, that like some math courses I did in high school, required me to call in a tutor to help. I think I wrote a bit about it before I stopped. I was invited to look again at both my wounded child and my adaptive child. I thought I’d done all that work, but then something happens, and I realize there is still more healing needed for that little one, and that older child also needs to be released from duty.
Something is shifting. And I’m held in a waiting place. I’m not in charge of the shift. I bought my ticket for the rollercoaster ride. I’ve said ‘Yes’ again and again to learning life’s lessons. I’ve got my seat for the ride, but now I wait. When will the train take off? How will we twist and turn? When will we land? Where will we land? Who will I be then? I don’t know the answers. I’m waiting and trusting.
Sue Monk Kidd’s book ‘When the Heart Waits’ has been a supportive read this month. She recounts her story of a mid-life change. I could have read it when she wrote it in 1990 as I was in a change then. I could have read it when the next change came about 2000. Now here I am again twenty years later, waiting my way through another change. Waiting. Waiting. Listening. Trusting.
I’ll write when I can. Always happy to have a note from you Gentle Reader. I haven’t heard much from you either this month so perhaps you’re in the waiting room with me!
Love and prayers for the journey
Mystic in Motion
Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire
Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder
Companion with The Rivendell Way
Society Member with Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation