I had a glimpse of something special this week. I spent the weekend within the Healing Pathway community learning and experiencing energy healing. Some of it was familiar, some new, some challenging. Before the weekend I felt well but during it I was very tired. The deep tiredness of the last few weeks, the last year was present for me so at our last practice session I asked for wisdom regarding the tiredness and release from it. Nothing spectacular happened during the session, but later in conversation and when I returned home the tiredness disappeared and some understanding surfaced for me.

I’ve worked hard all my life, as a child, a young adult, mother, teacher, priest. I’ve worked to fit into a world I didn’t understand or want. It wasn’t until I became a teacher and then priest that I felt I was in a world where I belonged, but that didn’t keep me from working really hard. When I finally neared retirement and took a sabbath leave from work, some of the first words the Spirit gifted me were regarding my human experiences; my early years were filled with fear, adult years with work, so maybe it was time in this season of life to discover pleasure and play. I recall standing on the bridge at Loyola House in Guelph and as I heard that invitation responding …. Really, you mean I might relax and laugh, play and enjoy life? Wow, that would be a very different human experience.

It doesn’t come easily to me. Too many years of being taught to be responsible and work hard are engraved within me, but I am trying. When I woke on Monday after my weekend with Healing Pathway, I was quiet inside, as if I’d been on a weeklong retreat. The voices in my head were still, and my heart was open. I could feel the intuitive part of me leading the way into the day. My head was relaxed and resting within my heart, ready to step up if I needed it, but willing to be at rest. It felt so good. I had a glimpse that the deep tiredness I experienced came from, not the work of the last year, but responsibilities I’ve carried during my life. Within this community I felt safe enough to be in touch with a Great Exhaustion. Safe enough.

I wonder if many of us carry a Great Exhaustion. We were taught to be nice, to behave, to fit in. We worked hard to take care of ourselves and our families, often at jobs that didn’t suit us or in roles that weren’t our first choice. We experienced many different stresses and took on the burdens of others, feeling responsible for many. Constrained from living our fullest lives we carried on the best we could. Until we couldn’t. Until we continued to wake up tired. I wonder if the Great Exhaustion isn’t pandemic within our society. I don’t think I’m the only one that over works and is overly responsible, missing the ease of an intuitive life, where head rests within heart space.

Do you know what I mean by Great Exhaustion? I’ve glimpsed it, got a sense of it’s root and now want to release it. Finding a space that is safe enough to be in touch with our inner world – now that’s a gift. I’d like to offer that to others too.

Love and prayers on your journey – may it lead you to safe places, where you know your inner world,

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation