trust

My Easter Story (5): On the Mountain Top

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So now I am in the community in Switzerland. I drove all the way, by myself (but I know now I really wasn’t by myself!) from the south of Turkey, through Greece, and Italy to find Aigle and a Christian community nearby. When I asked at the gendarme station in my broken French for a religious community, they told me there were two, both on the same road. At the top was one led by Timothy Leary and further down the mountain was one led by Francis Schaeffer. I’d already done the drug route and didn’t want any more (that’s another Easter story) so I followed the directions to Schaeffer to give him a try.

After ten days in his community, I was totally confused. They fed my body with yummy food, and my soul with respect for they too were Truth Seekers. At last, I had found people who were questing for life’s meaning as I was.  There was ample room to ask questions and I was encouraged to write out my beliefs. I heard their faith stories and perspective on life. Nothing made sense to me. After ten days I was told I’d asked enough questions and it was suggested that I go for a walk in the mountains. I didn’t like been told that but instinctively I agreed. I needed to be on my own away from the community, with space to think and feel. We were high in the mountains, and I set out on a trail to somewhere. I couldn’t walk very far. I couldn’t think. I felt like a piece of flotsam being tossed over Niagara Falls. I could barely hold a thought in my mind. I sat on a rock, staring over the valley when suddenly it was as if I was given a new set of glasses. I saw everything differently. Everything. I knew that God was real, not some figment of my imagination, not a philosophical concept to argue about around a campfire, not a benign presence in outer space, but a warm, loving presence right here. I knew Jesus was real, not a storybook character, but a Spirit-saturated-being, God’s son, who was with me. I knew sin was real, that the Bible described the world truly and that there was an evil presence in the world. Whoosh in one moment I saw all that. I knew I belonged to God. And then to wrap it up, the earth, the whole creation lying before me, suddenly shimmered. It was alive with the Creator’s goodness.

It’s been over fifty years since that deeply transformative event. It was a moment of knowing, a moment where I was changed. Easter Sunday with trumpets blaring. 

Sometimes I wonder why I’ve had such experiences. One friend lovingly called me a ‘2×4’ Christian. I had to be hit over the head with a ‘2×4’. The ‘why’ I don’t know, but I do know that I want to live worthy of the spiritual clobbering I’ve been given. The story of God’s love for me, for each of us continues. I don’t know any story that is more important but I think that’s all I share right now.

Maybe it’s time to recall your defining moments. They won’t be like mine. We are all different, so the moment will be yours. God is real. Jesus shows us, teaches us about God’s heartbeat. How have you experienced that heartbeat of LOVE?

I’ll be returning to my computer shortly. Thank you for listening to my snippets. It helps me to share them with you.

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

My Easter Story (2): My Pathway

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By the time I was in my early twenties I’d realized my life plan of politics or the diplomatic core or the investment industry was not going to work. I’d switched out of an honours degree at university to complete a basic degree and try to put my life in order. I felt lost.

One evening sitting at my dressing table, staring into the mirror I had a moment of clarity. I knew I wanted Truth, that’s right, ‘truth’ with a capital ‘T’! I wanted to find out what was really true in this world. Life seemed so difficult to me. I puzzled that most people seemed to be able to go to school, get a job, get married, and raise a family. None of that seemed valid or real to me. Why do it?  I wanted something else out of life. I wanted Truth. What is this world really about? Why does it exist? Why do I exist? Why does anyone exist? What is the reason for it all?

There was no thunderbolt answer, but in hindsight I recognize I was given my life plan that night. I was given guidance towards a journey that I’ve been on ever since. I’m a Truth-seeker. That means I’m home-bound, back to the origins of who I am, who you are, and what this world is all about. Currently I’m delighting in Thomas Merton’s writings. One of his thoughts that I’m playing with is that ‘my highest ambition is to be what I already am’. Merton sought Truth and opened the contemplative door for many of us, releasing the ancient wisdom, to find out who we are and why the world exists. I seek Truth wherever it is found. I’ve learnt that Truth smells of love, kindness, compassion and forgiveness. Ah but I’m getting ahead of my story. Right now I’m in my early twenties, looking at myself in a mirror and realizing that more than anything else, more than a husband, more than a career, I want to find Truth.

What drives you in life? Let there be no judgement, but an awareness of what is most important to you. When your last days come, and you look back on your life, what have you been moving towards?

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

A Little Bit of Merton

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‘I will not break faith with my awakened heart’.

This little nugget comes from somewhere in the writings of Thomas Merton. I heard it in a podcast as I was walking my regular route in Paris yesterday. I stopped walking, letting the intent of his words drop deeply into my being. As I often get tossed around by the circumstances of life, I resonated with his desire to remain true to what he knows, not intellectually but experientially, despite the challenges. So today I begin my reflection.

First, what does my awakened heart know? What ‘knowing’ do I hold, not what I’ve read or heard, but what is true in my heart? Last night I could feel this question tumbling around. I’ll see what I can catch this morning. This heart of mine has seen a spiritual image both at my bedside and as light in a theatre, has heard a voice with unexpected words and has known truth impressed within. This awakened heart knows that LOVE is at the source of all, that this LOVE dwells within all people and gives all matter life, and that in the end LOVE will be here for it is the universe’s trump card. This awakened heart knows that opening to God is the purpose of life, all of the struggles and joys down here are the classroom for learning soul lessons, so we’re open to God. This heart of mine recognizes that most people walking the planet don’t see the world this way…..yet. Most people around me are caught in the whirlwind of surviving or thriving in the turmoil of what ‘life’ has thrown at them. My awakened heart knows life as a classroom and in it, I’m a life-long learner.

I know there is more my heart knows, but I want to pause to consider the first part of his walk-stopping thought. ‘I will not break faith’. He’s crying out a desire to live from his True Self, his deepest purest part, to be his best self, yet he knows the struggle too. His will is needed. He needs to make a choice, not once, not a confession moment in church or a moment of emotional surrender, but a moment-by-moment choice over breakfast, on the subway, around the family table, in the grocery store, at the computer screen, working at a meeting, watching TV, hanging out with friends……moment by moment in the classroom, of the School of Life. Merton lived with an awareness of the life-shaping component of each moment of our lives. And he knows the struggle to remain true to what he knew.

I know that struggle too. I think that’s why his vulnerable acknowledgement and desire for truth resonated with me. I… will…not…break faith…with my awakened heart. I will remain true to who I am today wherever I’m taken in the classroom of life. I will be myself, my Mystic in Motion self, wherever Life takes me. That doesn’t mean that I speak of what my heart knows, but that I live from the heart qualities so kindness, tenderness and compassion flow through me to those I meet. My awakened heart is a divine gift, but remaining open, and nurturing it is my choice, my ‘yes’ to growing spiritual energy.

Sometimes it feels like people around me want to put a gag on me, push back and don’t want me to be myself. Recalling, ‘I will not break faith with my awakened heart’, encourages me to be rock solid with them, often not in words, but in personal energy. Sometimes words might be said, but most often it’s a shift within where I let the restraint or rejection wash around me. Rock Solid in the tumultuous river. They don’t know what they are doing to me. They don’t know how their words are affecting me. Perhaps later there will be time to connect with them more deeply, but in the moment, I’m not to break faith with my awakened heart. I am to stay within the flow of compassion.

Still mulling over this one….. et vous?

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

Life’s Drama

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‘We cannot control our life.’

Try letting that truth sink in. Let it sink into your mind and then deeper into your heart, even into your body where you carry those hidden knots of stress. 

Sister Wendy Beckett begins her ‘Art in Lent’ reflections with that statement. Of course, I know that is true. Of course. Really? I might think I know it’s true, but living within its reality is very different.

She invited me to begin Lent with Hokusai’s painting ‘The Great Wave’. It’s so beautiful, yet so unsettling. That huge wave, the great wave that rises ready to engulf the tiny boats with even tinier people. Sometimes life erupts with a rogue wave. Something hits us that we hadn’t anticipated, hadn’t planned for, have no experience with….I bet you know some of those moments.

Right now I’m feeling the effects of a rogue wave within our family for one of our members is ill with a chronic debilitating condition and I can’t control it. I can’t fix it, or the person with it or the system around them. I don’t have any control. Well not quite. I do have control over how I will respond to it. I can go head long into it, or broadside or tack looking for the slowest spot. Perhaps I need a bit of all of that. I can be headlong with my own feelings, not avoiding them but allowing them to wash over me and through me. I can come alongside the feelings of others and be present with them letting them soak me. I can also keep myself flexible, adjusting to the daily fluctuations.

I’m not in charge of the drama on earth or within my family or my own life. There’s a popular saying on the ‘wet’ coast – there is no such thing as bad weather, only poor clothing choices. Ah yes. I’m able to make choices. Even, or especially when the rogue wave rises, I need to be flexible and make choices. Sometimes that’s easier to write about than live, but often the writing helps me live closer to the truth I know.

So begins this year’s wilderness walk during Lent. I’m feeling soaked through with the unexpected.

Love and prayers as we walk this uncontrollable journey

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

Blinded By Light

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One day, on a BC ferry, I looked up and the brilliant sunlight blinded my eyes. Even though bright sun in the winter is a rare treat to be savoured in BC, I had to close my eyes and turn away. The light was too much for me.

Have you had moments when you suddenly know something; a truth lands deep inside you, an awareness, an insight, a moment of clarity, an ‘Ah-ah’ moment, an epiphany? I’m sure you have. Suddenly we see a truth about ourselves, or someone else, or about relationships, or for some people it’s a scientific breakthrough. Mine aren’t world changing discoveries but are usually about myself or life in general. They’re special gifts, always just what is needed.

That ferry moment was another special learning. Just as I turned away from the brilliant sunshine, I often turn away from a deep truth that I’ve been shown. I might stay open to it for an instant or for a few minutes. I might hold it in my heart and mull it over on and off, even for years. Usually what happens, even if it’s a long-term mulling, is that I close the eyes of heart and understanding for it’s simply too brilliant for my ego self to remain open. Ego likes murky light. When the spiritual light is bright, the ego must surrender its dominance. One key aspect of spiritual growth is letting the ego surrender its central role, and take a more practical, needs-based role. What if I can strengthen my spiritual muscles so I remain open to the Light of Truth when it is given to me? Not pull back, but stay present, even walk into the Light, holding and owning the Truth. For some reason the Divine One has chosen to pull back the murky curtains of illusion that cover us in this world and give a glimpse into the bigger picture, the divine reality. I’m being given a Truth, with a capital ‘T’, that will move me forward as a human being. What if I remain open to that Truth?

What if?

What if you remain open to one of the truths you’ve received over the years? Can you go back and name one? And then rest in it, opening yourself to his life and energy?

This awareness feels so good to me. I don’t want to turn from the Light. I want to walk into the Light. I want to live in the Light.

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living 

Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God – Really?

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I’ve been reflecting on my experiences of God and want to share one with you. I’ve often been puzzled by the talk of sin and God’s wrath. I used to read sermons such as those by Jonathan Edwards and try to fit my belief into the box of an angry God who needed to have his wrath appeased, but I couldn’t ever fit. Here’s a story from my early life that shows why I struggled.

I closed the back door of our home, shutting Hugh out of my life, relieved that I would never see him again. I had been very cold and closed towards him that evening, yet as I closed the door, I heard a voice and felt an impression in my heart. ‘You haven’t loved your brother in Christ.’ That was all. That was it. I heard the words and knew their truth in my heart. I felt no condemnation, but knew the reality was that I hadn’t loved him. No matter what else happened in our lives, Hugh was my brother in Christ and I had been rude to him. I knew that wasn’t the way I was supposed to be living. I wasn’t walking the path Jesus was guiding me along but was veering off on my own direction. I had asked for a life companion, a husband and Hugh had been given to me yet I had rejected the gift. What would happen now? What happens when God gives you a gift and you toss it aside?

My experience of God in that moment was of understanding, tenderness, righteousness and love. God heard the negative churning in my mind, saw the decision I made and didn’t run away from me. My coldness and rudeness were seen, understood and mirrored back to me. God spoke tenderly into my mind and my heart, describing what I had done and what I hadn’t done. I was shown a glimpse of my cruelty yet also showed a different path that I was invited to walk. I’m to love. God didn’t start with me loving the whole world, but loving one person, who was my brother in Christ, one person who has faith and is wanting to walk the path of life with me. God showed me the path of loving, the path of kindness, the path that Jesus walked. It’s a beautiful path, might not always be easy but it is the path of loving.

I didn’t hear any condemnation that day. I experienced understanding, tenderness, righteousness and love. Love for me. Love for Hugh. Understanding for what might have been. Understanding for was going to be because of my choices.

I had listened to the voices of criticism that came from a place of fear, from that place deep inside me where I was taught to fear loving, that place that carts out boulders and builds walls. God saw me in that place, had compassion on me, didn’t run from me or abandon me or shut the door on me, but spoke tenderly, firmly, and wisely into my life. God is good, faithful, kind, compassionate. God knows me, knows each of us and cares.

I’ve never encountered wrath or anger, only God’s tenderness, compassion and invitation.

Perhaps this week you would enjoy journalling one of your experiences of God.

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Companion on the Rivendell Way

Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

Cloudy Thoughts

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Clouds move down the hill sweeping past my window.

Sometimes I see clearly, bright sun illuminating the hillside and water.

Sometimes I barely see anything as mists and clouds embrace me.

No matter how transient weather dances,

Earth remains below, around and before me.

No matter circumstances of life,

no matter ancient wounds within,

no matter lack of understanding,

no matter unknowing,

God, Eternal Presence, Divine One, Source of All, The Light,

 The Heartbeat, The Holy One

remains below, around, before and within me.  

Who’s not to say but transient weather dances are beautiful!

So let’s say too, in a loud voice, ‘Life is beautiful!’

Not always sunny,

often foggy,  

not without suffering and surprises,

                             yet holding hidden moments of joy.

In all God is calling to me ‘Come my child, Come my beloved one. Keep your eyes on me and me alone. I will show you the path of life’.

Let the clouds come, the mists swirl, even the fog ,

 the earth remains my home,

my temple not made with hands.

Within that temple I hear a humming, a love song for us all.

Shh…Listen with me….

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder

Society Member with Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living

Companion with The Rivendell Way

I Have a Friend

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Around the same time I encountered ‘loneliness’, I also was thinking about ‘friendship’. Remember the old hymn, ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus’? We’ve talked about having Jesus as a friend, but what if he really was a friend to you? Think about friends and friendship. Maybe allow a good friend to come to your mind and your heart. How do you feel when you’re with them? What do you talk about? What part of your life do you share? What do ask them?

Back in the early days of Christianity there were people who knew Jesus as a friend. They ate with him, talked, laughed, worked, and walked with him. They listened to him, and worried about him. They knew him and trusted him. He was a friend.

After reading ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’ a year ago, I began listening to Yoganada’s followers talk about him. He died in 1952 so there are still disciples that knew him or have been trained by those closest to him. They call him ‘Master’ because he is one who has mastered his senses, wasn’t controlled by them but was open to God’s Spirit and they call him ‘Friend’ for they knew him as a friend and feel his presence still with them. They trust him as you would trust your best friend. They know he will help them and that he has their good in his heart. They will say things like, ‘I know Master will help me. I just need to ask him.’ Listening to their devoted trust in their teacher has given new life to me to trust my friend Jesus. I know he is still alive and is attentive to me for I am one of his followers. The old words are taking on a new life, new experience for me.

During my friendship wanderings I once again re-wrote a favourite psalm.

The Lord is my friend. I have all that I need.

You’ve led me to solid mountains, flowing creeks, still trees and singing birds.

You have restored my soul.

The Lord is my friend. I have all that I need.

You’ve shown me some of the many paths that teach me how to live so your goodness can flow through me.

The Lord is my friend. I have all that I need.

Even if I walk through the valley of anger or sadness, or fear, or illness or even death, I know you are with me to guide me and comfort me.  

The Lord is my friend. I have all that I need.

When people around me are hurtful, betray me, misunderstand me, ignore me, I know you are always there. You notice me, nurture and nourish me. I know you place your hand on me for I feel full and overflowing.

The Lord is my friend. I have all that I need.

I am sure that your goodness and mercy follow me every day of my life. No matter where I go, you’ll always be with me. Every where. All the time.  

The Lord is my friend. I have all that I need.

****

How about you? Who is your Spiritual Friend? What does that friendship feel like?

Love and prayers

Anne

Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire Canada, Founder

Society Member, Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living.

When Sharing a Bed with an Elephant

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trumpet

Some of you will recall with me when the first Prime Minister Trudeau described Canada’s life as ‘a mouse in bed with an elephant’. Last week, that elephant rolled over and made some noise. It certainly made a big, surprising noise, unpleasant to many and made some want to get out bed! It seems it woke people up to what is going on in the hidden underbelly of America – to people the media clearly weren’t polling or talking to or getting honest answers from. Hence the surprise and the smell. Something is wrong. We can’t avoid it any longer.

In our Gospel this week Jesus describes the upset that will come at the end of the age. He tells his followers that no matter what happens, we’re not to be afraid and we’re not to worry. God is always present and that all things will unfold into a good end. Don’t let circumstances overwhelm us, stand firm, trust in God and let the Spirit continue to care, protect and transform us.

In some of my conversations this week we came back to recognition that the sun will still rise and as one of my favorite people put it, “I can still scratch my dog’s tummy.”

Sometimes our world does feel like it is in upheaval. May Americans learn what they need to learn from this surprising turn and listen well to those who feel they have lost their voice along with their jobs and hopes. May there now arise a community will to tend to the deep seated problems within their society. May we in Canada learn what we might learn as well, for we too have the undervalued and disenfranchised within our midst.

At FIREWORKS this week, our presenter Rev. A. Ross Gibson shared a rich introduction to the perspective of being nonviolent in a violent world. I offer you a prayer he left with us. I find it a challenging prayer, and also one that I can see could clear a pathway for me, for us, for all people into a new age. Questions to pray, to ask of the Holy One each morning:

  • What can I do today to promote justice, disarmament, nonviolence and peace?
  • What concrete action can I take to help end violence, war, poverty, racism, sexism, patriarchy, ageism and evil?
  • How can I practice creative non-violence, relieve unjust suffering, and help disarm the world?
  • How can I serve your reign (God’s reign) of justice and peace today?
  • How can I help more people become nonviolent?
  • How can I help build the global grassroots movement of nonviolence?
  • (an adapted daily prayer of Harry Belafonte)

May your trust in God’s presence grow deeper this week.

Love and prayers

Anne

Contemplative Fire Community Leader Canada