Holy Waiting: In the Presence of Light

As you prepare to read this reflection find a Bible and two candles. Open the Bible to John 1.4-5 and Matthew 5.14. Put a marker in both those readings. Dim the lights around you and sit gently in the quiet light for a few minutes, maybe thirty breaths. Then light the first candle, pausing to take time to enjoy it’s flame and be open to the Presence of Light for another thirty breaths. Let the darkness be around you and the Light be in the centre with you.

The candle, as a light and as a symbol of light, is precious to me. Years ago, I was in a movie theater in France, waiting for the show to start. My attention was drawn to the top most corner of the theater. I saw a glowing light. There was no light fixture, simply, a beautifully, glowing presence. Deep within I knew that Light was at the centre of all Life and that I was heading towards it. And then the glowing light vanished. I’ve held that image for the last forty plus years. I’ve drawn it. I’ve lived into it. Now, all these years later I know that not only is Light at the centre of all Life, but that I’m within The Light, and that all of Life is within The Light. I know too that The Light is within me.

Turn to John 1…  Jesus is the light of the world, a light that no darkness can extinguish. I treasure the awareness that God is not scared of the dark like I might be. No matter what uncomfortable darkness in which we may find ourselves, God is always present. Sometimes we can’t sense the Spirit’s presence, but always, always God IS there, a Light that no darkness can extinguish. Take time to breath in that truth.

Turn to Matthew 5…to that rough, mostly uneducated, often contentious group Jesus said, ‘YOU are the light of the world.’ He said it loud of enough so you and I could hear him. We are the light of the world. We carry within us, his light, a strong, robust light that will not be extinguished no matter what happens to us. You are the light of the world. Light the second candle. Take time to breath in that truth.

To celebrate their 80th birthdays, Desmond Tutu and the Dali Lama wrote a delightful book, ‘The Book of Joy’. In the introduction they describe the wonder that each day is our birthday, for each day we begin anew. Yes, we carry our past, but each day we can choose how to carry that past, how we will live today and how we will move forward.

So, Happy Birthday to you…..As we prepare to welcome the Light of the World, may we live within his light and know that we too bear his light today, into the world.

I invite you to close this time of reflection by again sitting with the image of light before you and imagine that light within you. As Jesus said, ‘You are the light of the world.’.

Love and prayers


Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way” with Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire Canada (Founder)

Advent is Coming!

In my church world, the next four weeks are the season of Advent’.  While the world gets busy preparing for Christmas with shopping and feasting, the church turns our attention to God’s presence right here and now. The focus is on preparing for the coming of Jesus and of Christ into the world.

I have often found this season emotionally challenging and have great sympathy for others who do. Now, I quite enjoy minimal shopping and gentle feasting. I have written four specific reflections for Advent and will post them each Sunday morning. I wrote them last year for Contemplative Fire yet found they still spoke to me this year. I wrote them to help slow down and consider thoughtfully some ways to prepare for a warm and meaningful Christmas.

I hope you will enjoy them. Please feel free to share them with anyone else you think might like to pause and breathe during the days of December.

Do let me know how they speak to you.

Love and prayers


Mystic in Motion, ‘Companion on the Way’ with Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire, Canada (Founder)


Heartbeat Prayer


A few nights ago, I watched a baby being born on a TV show. I had no idea the impact that show would have on me. The next day in my meditation I stayed with: Father you and I are one. I’m your child. I’m born of you. I’m one with my Creator.

I kept seeing the baby come out of the mother. I could feel my own birth from the womb of the Holy One and my heart opened.

“I came out of you, my Creator. I am a part of you, just as a baby is a part of her mother. Our cells mingle. I belong to you as a baby belongs to her mother. We are one. Yet two. We are one. My journey is always to return to the closeness of the womb, to your heartbeat. We’re one.

Sometimes I can hear your heart. Sometimes I can’t. but always I’m your child. You and I are one. I am born of you. Each breath I take is a sacred breath, a gift of you to me. Each breath. Sacred.”

Gentle Reader, what is true for me, is true for each one of us. Whatever our upbringing, wherever on the planet we are placed, each one of us is a child of God, born of God, and carries the Divine Spark within us. Each one of us is on a journey back to the heartbeat of God.


Where do we hear that heartbeat? Where do you hear that heartbeat? I know you know it.

Love and prayers from your spiritual sister….


Mystic in Motion

Companion on the Way of Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire Canada (Founder)




I wish I had words to express to you how beautiful it is here.

Today as I look out my cabin window, I can see the Douglas fir that are close to our home, but just beyond them are puffs of clouds. I know if I was driving down the road, I’d see our part of the mountain embraced by cloud.

And then… I look up again and a tiny bit of our mountain cloud has shifted. I can see the tips of the cedars that are lower down the hillside. Tips are showing, but the cedars are still muted by cloud.

How can grey cloud, grey tree trunk, dark green fir and cedar be breathtaking…. but they are, to me. Something deep within me gasps and pauses. Beauty. Natural beauty. I’m surrounded by it.

This week we made a trip to the western side of Vancouver Island. We saw enormous Douglas Fir and red cedar trees. So tall my neck strained to look at their tips. So wide I was tiny within their embrace. We watched the waves of the Pacific Ocean crash upon the rocks or smoothly glide onto the long, wide beaches, both hypnotic. Beauty. Natural Beauty. I’m surrounded by it.

I encountered another kind of beauty this week. We have several published authors in our village. Whenever I sit with one or more of them, something inside me starts to dance! As I told you a while ago, I’ve been pecking away for a couple of years at my spiritual memoirs. Recently I’ve been both drawn to work more intentionally on something and lost as to what I should work on and what approach I should take. I’ve been caught spinning around in a writer’s whirlpool. This week, at a village event, I was chatting with one of our authors and she offered to read my very unfinished draft. I was amazed at the offer. What a gift. Instinctively I feel I can trust her to give me an opinion on whether to write for my family or another audience. I felt such warmth. Since we were leaving town the next day, I sent her the draft that evening. I did it quickly while the warm feeling was still there. Before any inner critic could pull me back with doubts and hesitations. Her offer to read my unfinished work was such a gift to me. Beauty. Natural Beauty. I’m surrounded by it.

I’m grateful for the natural beauty within which I live. I’m grateful for the natural beauty of the people in my village. I’m grateful that more and more I know that I am one with the beauty around me. How I’ve changed. It wasn’t always like that.

How about you? What’s beautiful in your world?

Love and prayers


Mystic in Motion

‘Companion on the Way’ with Contemplative Fire

Contemplative Fire Canada (Founder)



Lessons from Children

First it was my grand puppy and then the grandchildren. I have found animals and children to be some of my best spiritual teachers. Have you? What lessons have you learnt?

Last week as the grandchildren visited us, I was so aware of their relationship with their father. He is a quiet, thoughtful and attentive man, a primary school teacher by training and a caring father. The children are very secure with him. They can ask him anything and they listen to him, at least most of the time! They know they are loved by him and safe in the world. They are visiting us in a new home, a new location and are content, curious about what is around them, but content.

The same week they were visiting, in my meditation time I was invited to ponder both the phrase and the reality that I am a child of God. Repeatedly I held that phrase, that reality within my mind and my heart. I’m very grateful that I know I’m loved by God. I know that deep down within my soul. It was what makes everything all right for me. Because I feel secure in God’s love, I can move across the country and open myself to a new life. Because I feel secure in God’s love, I was able to say, ‘I think I have a calling to priesthood’, despite the world around me not affirming women in leadership. Because I feel secure in God’s love, I was able to work in environments that weren’t supportive to my perspective. Because I feel secure in God’s love, I can move towards forgiveness when I’m ignored, snubbed or ridiculed.

But it wasn’t always that way. I didn’t grow up in a home where I felt safe and content. I grew up frightened and hiding. I didn’t have a relationship with my father or mother where I could ask questions, where I could explore new ways. My childhood experience was radically different than my grandchildren’s. I’m so grateful that theirs is different!

I know that I’m not alone in my experience. Many of us grow up troubled and then we’re told ‘we’re children of God’. That’s not such a good thing when our childhood memory is troublesome. I’m grateful that I was able to make that transition from a frightened little girl to a mature and secure woman, one who knows she is a Child of God, who knows that her father is generous, compassionate and kind. Being with my grandchildren helped me deepen my child-like trust of God. They really are ‘grand’!

We are Children of God. Everyone of us. Everyone of us. And our Father is good, all the time.


Love and prayers


Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire Canada (Founder)

The Whispers of Love


We live in a rain forest. I’m so delighted to live here. Yes, it rains, seventeen days this past month, but oh the clouds! A few weeks ago, the weather turned from summer to fall. I noticed it, not only because of the drop in temperature and the arrival of rain, but because of the clouds. I discovered last year that during the rainy season the clouds take on a life of their own. They are always moving, twisting, turning, slipping through the trees and across the Sound. Some days they embrace us and other days they are wispy, floating through the forest, rising up, slipping down, melting away only to return again. As I drive our highway, I often watch the clouds dance, for they’re always shifting their shape.

John O’Donohue writes of the importance of love in our lives, yet how easy it is for us to miss it. Last week as we sat before our dinner meal, my husband read to me a few lines from O’Donohue’s book, ‘Anan Cara’. It included a bit of Boris Pasternak: “When a great moment knocks on the door of your life, it is often no louder than the beating of your heart, and it is very easy to miss it.”

If I’m not slow and attentive, I can miss the beauty of the clouds that move around my forest dwelling. If I’m not slow and attentive, I can miss the whispers of love that tap at my heart. When has my heart jumped? What has drawn my attention? Who has caught my eye and truly looked at me? The Whispers of Love. They are constantly moving, changing shape. I never know when they will come. But oh, I want to be ready, ready to open the door and say ‘Welcome.’

What does Love feel like for you when she knocks on your heart?

Peace in the midst of all.


Mystic in Motion

Founder Contemplative Fire (Canada)

How to Handle Distractions: The Squeaky Shoes!

The community had gathered. We had heard a sacred reading. The bell was struck. A gentle silence descended on us. Then, on the other side of the wall, in the parking lot a frustrated mother began yelling at her child, “I didn’t drive all this way for you to refuse to go to camp!’. The yelling continued, accompanied by a child’s mournful cry.  Beneath our feet the piano began, joined by happy voices of children singing camp songs. One after another their songs rolled along. The final straw were The Squeaky Shoes, rubber soles on linoleum, that sauntered down the hall outside the chapel. Really! So what was that sacred text???

That particular morning highlighted for me the delight of meditation. We (or is it just me!) have this image of sitting in stillness, all is serene. Maybe a few birds chirp or a gentle waterfall is a soothing white noise. Within a pristine setting perhaps I will settle into a place of inner peace.

But usually as soon as I settle on my cushion, I’m aware of the flopping of my mind, or emotions that get triggered. Again and again, as Fr Keating taught, I get hooked by some ‘boat’ that has entered the river of my thoughts and I’m engaged in sorting out all the stuff on the boat. Whether my physical space is serene or not, my internal space seldom is very orderly.

That morning, with all the yelling, singing and squeaking, gave me time to reflect again on how to deal with distractions when I meditate. They will happen! It might be internal thoughts that engage me or the squeaky shoes outside the room. I know they will come, so how can I let them not trigger an annoyance or sense of failure, but become one of the delights of meditation?

I know as my practice deepens the external sounds move more easily into something ‘out there’ and cease to trigger the cords of annoyance within me. They can still cause me to feel disruption. I look for the day when I’m oblivious to them. I’m not there yet. I’m not able to walk on hot coals! But I can breathe and let them pass. The internal roommate that chatters is more of a distraction to me. But the good part is that I can recognize when I’ve climbed on board and jump overboard one more time.

The real delight of distractions in meditation for me is the growing awareness that those distractions help me bring the quiet centre of my practice into everyday life. When I’m standing in line at the grocery store or caught in traffic I can pause and breathe and return to being open to God’s Spirit right then, right there because I’ve done it in my practice when The Squeaky Shoes walked down the hall. Or when someone gets annoyed at me or I feel irritated towards someone, or jealous of who they are, I can pause and breathe and return to being open to God’s Spirit right then because that’s what I’ve done in my meditation practice when The Squeaky Shoes were the last straw for me. Again, and again, pause, breathe and return my focus to God’s Spirit within me. I am a branch of God’s vine. I carry God’s Life-giving, Ever-Loving, Healing Sap within me. I belong to God. That is who I am.

Distractions! How do you deal with them in life and /or on the cushion???

Love and prayers for the journey


Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire Founder (Canada)


The Importance of Approaching Sleep Well

Day AND Night

What is your attitude to night time? Do you dismiss it? Do you think that the only things of significance take place during the day?

I have a new mediation teacher in my life right now.  I learnt today that I’d seen night as very different from day. I realize that unconsciously I thought that important things only took place during the day. The daytime hours were when it all happened! Sure as I went to sleep I’d give myself into God’s care for my slumber, but whatever… it was nighttime. I really didn’t prepare for the work or the experience of what my soul was up to during the hours of slumber.

Today I was taught to formally meditate twice a day – sure that’s normal. I was taught to begin my day with meditation, before my mind took off to plan the day or engage in the days work – sure that’s normal. But then he said to make my second meditation time just before bed, sometime between nine and midnight. He told me I was to prepare myself to sleep. As I read that I realized that my ‘day’ has two parts, one where the sun shines (or not!) and one where the moon shines (or not!). There is dawn, high noon, dusk and deep dark. Each phase of a day has it’s own energy.

I love the early morning hours, daybreak that shines pink on the mountains, that holds a stillness and anticipation in the air. Noon is bustling, activities happen, things are accomplished. Dusk is unwinding from the days work, settling down and sometimes gloriously beautiful. The deep dark of night is like a deep exhale, a time of rest. Each part of the cycle is significant, none more than the others. Each precious as part of our life.

So I’m changing my meditation routine. I don’t know how it will work or if I can do it, but I’ll try. Morning meditation continues. My afternoon meditation time will become a study/reflection period. I’ll try to meditate before bed with the intention of preparing myself for the soul work that takes place during the darkness and time of rest.

Practicalities trouble me. Where will I meditate at night? In my cabin? In a room in the house? In our bed? Hmm… I’m just not sure how all this will work.

Love and prayers


Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire Founder (Canada)


Why this World is the Way it is….

This week I heard it one more time and something inside me said ‘STOP’! “Silence makes me depressed”. “Silence and solitude….” and then she shuddered. I’ve heard it so many times. People pull away from contemplative practices. Why? Why do they sign up for yoga retreats but not for Contemplative Fire or for contemplative retreats within a Christian tradition? Why will they learn a new language of Sanskrit, chant in words they don’t know but not join a reflective service? Why?

When I was in a contemplative group the other day and a member said how her husband found silence depressing, I found myself stirred inside, some frustration stirred, some deeper anger, some hurt and some sadness. I observed a messy little stew pot of emotions emerge within me! I have found my twenty-five plus years within the contemplative world to be deeply healing. I’ve learnt how to face my negative emotions and move beyond them. Fundamentally I’ve experienced the LOVE of God, the deep, deep love of God that holds and sustains my life. Has it all been easy? No, much of it has been hard work, but it’s been wonderful. It is now my life passion to help other people find their own healing path. I offer the contemplative path and I grieve when it is dismissed as depressive. The door is slammed shut. ‘No thanks. Don’t want any.’ Slam.

As I pondered that perspective and my own response to it, I heard Silence/Solitude/Contemplative Practices being blamed for the person’s depression. I realized it that was a common response I’ve heard over the years. “It’s too difficult. It’s too scary. I don’t know what will come to my mind if I’m still. It makes me nervous.” I’ve heard so many responses like that, but suddenly, this morning I realized that those people are blaming the contemplative practices for their emotional response. It’s like me blaming my husband for my anger. I’m responsible for my angry response not him. if he behaves in a way that provokes my anger, well it’s my feelings and I’m responsible for learning from my reaction and caring for myself.

How come people can blame the contemplative practices for their feelings and get away with it? The practices of silence or solitude or meditation or imaginary prayer or (insert any contemplative practice)… are not the problem. The inability to accept responsibility for our own feelings and reactions is the problem. Too much of our church life is directed by people who aren’t willing to own their own feelings and do their work, do The Work of maturing spiritually, of following Jesus. Too much of our world is also led by people who won’t do their work.

I see the problem more clearly today, but I don’t see the solution. Right now, I hold it in the presence of our Loving, Omnipresent God.  I want to be able to put my foot in the door and not let them slam it shut.

How do you respond?

Love and prayers


Mystic in Motion

Founder, Contemplative Fire Canada

If this is helpful or interesting to you, please pass it along.


Breathing Underwater


One night in my dreams I found myself swimming in beautiful clear water. It felt wonderful! I realized that I was breathing under water. I wasn’t snorkeling or scuba diving. I had no equipment, just Anne, swimming and breathing in sparkling clear water.

Now all of you who love dream work will have some fun with that dream! I dabble in those explorations too and have had some deeply rewarding insights from dreams, including that one. But today…. Today I want to share with you a special moment from my waking life that reminded me of that dream sensation.

My granddaughter asked me if I’d join her scuba diving. We were on a family holiday at a resort that was offering a free scuba session. She loves the water and wanted to give it a try, but wanted company. Fifteen years ago I took the Padi Open Water Dive Training program and became certified. I let it lapse because I had such awful experiences. I’m a strong swimmer and very comfortable in the water but found myself unable to relax with the scuba gear on. As I looked at the surface of the water far, far above me I felt claustrophobic. I thought I would go home in a mahogany box. One time I thought I was going to vomit! I decided no more diving. But then, a granddaughter asks and of course I’m in.

We dove that afternoon and then, both of us so excited from our experience, signed up to do a longer training the next day. I think two things made the difference; a very competent, enjoyable teacher and how my meditation practice has matured over the last fifteen years.

Our teacher was wonderful. He was warm, engaging, clear, and encouraging. He delighted in my granddaughter and me, so glad to be teaching us to dive. He was one of those people that draws out the best in me.  After we had the gear on and were breathing under water with the regulator he asked us to sit on the bottom of the pool, simply rest there. The last time I tried to do it I couldn’t rest. This time I could feel I was at ease.

The sensation of resting in the water, either sitting on the bottom, or simply floating while deeply submerged, felt just like those moments in meditation when I’m held. Those moments when thoughts cease and the still point that is the ground of my being is all that there is within me. it is a place of deep rest and ease. As I floated in the water, recalling the mediation experience I could breath in the LOVE that sustains me. The dive became an experience of being held in LOVE, in LIFE.

Do you meditate? I think everyone can benefit from learning how to meditate. There are so many different pathways. I follow a Christian path and have learnt a variety of Christian meditation practices. I’ve also learnt secular, Buddhist and yogi meditation practices. There is scientific research now regarding the physical and mental benefits of meditation. There is a meditative practice that would suit you! It is a practice. It calls for persistence when it’s difficult. but oh, it’s worth it.

There is nothing quite like breathing underwater.

Love and prayers


Mystic in Motion

Contemplative Fire Founder (Canada)