Do you remember those old puzzles that we used to twist and turn, trying to get all the colours lined up together?
One day this week my life felt all twisted out of shape. It was such an odd feeling. The basic emotions that paper my world of happiness and peace were painted over with confusion and uncertainty. I kept re-playing a conversation in my mind. I don’t usually do that anymore. Normally I live in a peaceful place with a quiet little fountain of joy gently bubbling inside me. All feels well in my world. But one day the fountain had stopped flowing. My insides felt twisted, all out of sorts. And a conversation kept asking to be re-played and re-played. So boring. I don’t like living like that at all!
I began to value how well I normally feel. I’m so grateful for that, and my gratitude hit a new level. But how would I get it back? How do I twist my life all around again so I’m back with my colours lined up?
A talk with myself about that nagging conversation was in order! Just what benefit was I receiving from re-working the conversation? I couldn’t find any benefit, yet it kept re-playing. So, time to bring something positive in to replace it, find some devotional reading, something short and punchy to twist my insides back into line. That’s a practice that usually works for me, but this week it was so hard to focus my thoughts. I sank back into re-playing. I wondered if an apology would alleviate the boring re-play. I could do that! I can usually say ‘I’m sorry’ and try to move things in a different direction. Yet I wasn’t going to jump right into that response. I could…but was that the wisest response? Maybe my feelings weren’t mine at all. Maybe I was picking up someone else’s anxiety. I’ve known that emphatic response in the past. I feel awful but it’s not my ‘awful’ but someone else’s unfinished business. I know that is a call to prayer, to encircle the one I’m re-playing with kindness and gentleness. That was possible!
My twisted Rubik’s Cube day was drawing to an end. The final response was to ask for help. I guess I’d asked earlier, or sure hope I had! As I lay down to sleep, I released it one more time to The Most Loving Spirit There Is –“I’ll do an apology if you want. I’ll do whatever, just grant me some clarity in the morning please.”
Morning came and I could feel my internal cube had been twisted while I slept. As the day unfolded, I was no longer re-playing that conversation. Ah… some peace was returning. Interesting – later that day I received an email from my ‘conversation partner’ describing turmoil in her life. Sometimes the twists we feel do come not from our need for inner work but because we carry another’s burden.
That was one of my days this week. How has your week been? Are you at peace within your soul?
Love and prayers
Anne
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Mystic in Motion
Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire
Contemplative Fire Canada (Founder)
Sometimes it’s like a veil is pulled back and I see things differently. Those are wonderful Epiphany Moments. What have they been like for you? Those moments when you see yourself, or a situation, or the world differently.
Last week in my blog I shared my increasing awareness that we are one with God. Growing out of that awareness, I was able to grasp on an emotional level that I have never been alone. I am God’s child, one with God. I came from God and will return when I leave this world. There is a huge difference between intellectual understanding and emotional knowing. Epiphany Moments are about emotional knowing. They are life changing.
When have you had such a moment? A time when you had a paradigm shift? Your eyes were opened, even for a flickering moment and you KNEW something. Everything changed and came together in a whole new way.
Today I’m putting away the last of the Christmas decorations. My husband wanted one Nativity set left out, and some years I have left it out for weeks, almost until Lent arrived. This year it stayed longer than the rest of the decorations but I’m putting it away today. Epiphany has happened. We’ve remembered the arrival of the mysterious visitors from the Far East and now it’s time to tuck them all into their boxes.
Jesus is our God-voice for the West. He came calling us back to this God-awareness. All of us have wandered from knowing who we are, whose we are. Each one of us is a lamb that has strayed, a prodigal that has been lost. Each one a prodigal whose return is celebrated. You and I, we are one with God. I am one with God. Every day. Every moment of every day. When I rest in that deep truth, everything looks different. And oh, I feel loved and know you are loved too. All of us. Loved. Always.
Yesterday the cleaners came through our home. It was wonderful. I put away most of the Christmas decorations and did the light dusting. They did the heavier work of washing floors, vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen. When all was done our home sparkled! It felt wonderful. A fresh beginning.
I have found that the moment we move from the end of one year into the beginning of another is a wonderful time for reflection. In the darkness of our winter days, I can be slower and attentive to what has been through the sunny, growing months. Sometimes within Contemplative Fire we would gather on December 31st and have a few hours of reflection to toast the old year and welcome the new one.
you deeply hope for in the time ahead? Perhaps write or draw a picture of your longing. Offer your longing to God. Don’t hang on to it but release it with hope into the loving arms of the One who sustains you each day, the One who gives you breath.
It is about being open to the Spirit of Jesus Christ today, now and always. He can still touch us, just like he touched lepers when he was physically alive. Sometimes his healing is physical, sometimes emotional and most often spiritual. Healing is his business.
creation. The death of Jesus remains for me a sorrow touched with mystery. His resurrection assures me that he is still alive and powerful. I have experienced his presence many times, in many places and people.
We’ve passed December 21, the mark of the shortest day in our year. We don’t see it yet, but already we are tipping towards the light. Begin your reflection time by lighting four candles, yes four, and as you light each one, do it slowly and gently, pausing as you go: the Candle of Presence, the Candle of Your Light, the Candle of Hope. The fourth candle I name as Love. Let us sit in its presence for awhile.
The Candle of Hope. Pause for a few breaths, laying the word ‘hope’ on your breath.
Mystic in Motion 