Do you remember those old puzzles that we used to twist and turn, trying to get all the colours lined up together?
One day this week my life felt all twisted out of shape. It was such an odd feeling. The basic emotions that paper my world of happiness and peace were painted over with confusion and uncertainty. I kept re-playing a conversation in my mind. I don’t usually do that anymore. Normally I live in a peaceful place with a quiet little fountain of joy gently bubbling inside me. All feels well in my world. But one day the fountain had stopped flowing. My insides felt twisted, all out of sorts. And a conversation kept asking to be re-played and re-played. So boring. I don’t like living like that at all!
I began to value how well I normally feel. I’m so grateful for that, and my gratitude hit a new level. But how would I get it back? How do I twist my life all around again so I’m back with my colours lined up?
A talk with myself about that nagging conversation was in order! Just what benefit was I receiving from re-working the conversation? I couldn’t find any benefit, yet it kept re-playing. So, time to bring something positive in to replace it, find some devotional reading, something short and punchy to twist my insides back into line. That’s a practice that usually works for me, but this week it was so hard to focus my thoughts. I sank back into re-playing. I wondered if an apology would alleviate the boring re-play. I could do that! I can usually say ‘I’m sorry’ and try to move things in a different direction. Yet I wasn’t going to jump right into that response. I could…but was that the wisest response? Maybe my feelings weren’t mine at all. Maybe I was picking up someone else’s anxiety. I’ve known that emphatic response in the past. I feel awful but it’s not my ‘awful’ but someone else’s unfinished business. I know that is a call to prayer, to encircle the one I’m re-playing with kindness and gentleness. That was possible!
My twisted Rubik’s Cube day was drawing to an end. The final response was to ask for help. I guess I’d asked earlier, or sure hope I had! As I lay down to sleep, I released it one more time to The Most Loving Spirit There Is –“I’ll do an apology if you want. I’ll do whatever, just grant me some clarity in the morning please.”
Morning came and I could feel my internal cube had been twisted while I slept. As the day unfolded, I was no longer re-playing that conversation. Ah… some peace was returning. Interesting – later that day I received an email from my ‘conversation partner’ describing turmoil in her life. Sometimes the twists we feel do come not from our need for inner work but because we carry another’s burden.
That was one of my days this week. How has your week been? Are you at peace within your soul?
Love and prayers
Anne
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Mystic in Motion
Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire
Contemplative Fire Canada (Founder)
Sometimes it’s like a veil is pulled back and I see things differently. Those are wonderful Epiphany Moments. What have they been like for you? Those moments when you see yourself, or a situation, or the world differently.
Last week in my blog I shared my increasing awareness that we are one with God. Growing out of that awareness, I was able to grasp on an emotional level that I have never been alone. I am God’s child, one with God. I came from God and will return when I leave this world. There is a huge difference between intellectual understanding and emotional knowing. Epiphany Moments are about emotional knowing. They are life changing.
When have you had such a moment? A time when you had a paradigm shift? Your eyes were opened, even for a flickering moment and you KNEW something. Everything changed and came together in a whole new way.
It is about being open to the Spirit of Jesus Christ today, now and always. He can still touch us, just like he touched lepers when he was physically alive. Sometimes his healing is physical, sometimes emotional and most often spiritual. Healing is his business.
creation. The death of Jesus remains for me a sorrow touched with mystery. His resurrection assures me that he is still alive and powerful. I have experienced his presence many times, in many places and people.
We’ve passed December 21, the mark of the shortest day in our year. We don’t see it yet, but already we are tipping towards the light. Begin your reflection time by lighting four candles, yes four, and as you light each one, do it slowly and gently, pausing as you go: the Candle of Presence, the Candle of Your Light, the Candle of Hope. The fourth candle I name as Love. Let us sit in its presence for awhile.
First it was my grand puppy and then the grandchildren. I have found animals and children to be some of my best spiritual teachers. Have you? What lessons have you learnt?
primary school teacher by training and a caring father. The children are very secure with him. They can ask him anything and they listen to him, at least most of the time! They know they are loved by him and safe in the world. They are visiting us in a new home, a new location and are content, curious about what is around them, but content.
But it wasn’t always that way. I didn’t grow up in a home where I felt safe and content. I grew up frightened and hiding. I didn’t have a relationship with my father or mother where I could ask questions, where I could explore new ways. My childhood experience was radically different than my grandchildren’s. I’m so grateful that theirs is different!
We are Children of God. Everyone of us. Everyone of us. And our Father is good, all the time.
I live on the edge of my country which gives me a sense of freedom as I look around. I perceive the institutional church disappearing into irrelevancy. People don’t attend any more. They’ve dismissed it. The church has lost her spiritual authority. It seems to me that the church has lost spiritual authority because she no longer listens intently to the Spirit of God nor lives within the flowing energy of the Spirit.
This week I heard it one more time and something inside me said ‘STOP’! “Silence makes me depressed”. “Silence and solitude….” and then she shuddered. I’ve heard it so many times. People pull away from contemplative practices. Why? Why do they sign up for yoga retreats but not for Contemplative Fire or for contemplative retreats within a Christian tradition? Why will they learn a new language of Sanskrit, chant in words they don’t know but not join a reflective service? Why?
deep love of God that holds and sustains my life. Has it all been easy? No, much of it has been hard work, but it’s been wonderful. It is now my life passion to help other people find their own healing path. I offer the contemplative path and I grieve when it is dismissed as depressive. The door is slammed shut. ‘No thanks. Don’t want any.’ Slam.
How come people can blame the contemplative practices for their feelings and get away with it? The practices of silence or solitude or meditation or imaginary prayer or (insert any contemplative practice)… are not the problem. The inability to accept responsibility for our own feelings and reactions is the problem. Too much of our church life is directed by people who aren’t willing to own their own feelings and do their work, do The Work of maturing spiritually, of following Jesus. Too much of our world is also led by people who won’t do their work.
now, I hold it in the presence of our Loving, Omnipresent God. I want to be able to put my foot in the door and not let them slam it shut.
well-documented shared human inheritance. Most of us find ways of living with it. We learn to make friends, hold jobs, whether satisfying or not, that connect us to the bigger whole. We shop, eat, exercise, drink, work, play video games, decorate our homes, travel, study, help others… the list goes on and on of ways that we find to either cover up that existential loneliness, or ease its pain. And within our coping ways, we can even find joy, laughter and purpose.
we’re doormats, but, the opposite, for we are to be actively and wisely open to suffering while we keep grounded in the deep, deep love of God. We are to touch God’s compassion through our suffering.
Mystic in Motion 