By the time I was in my early twenties I’d realized my life plan of politics or the diplomatic core or the investment industry was not going to work. I’d switched out of an honours degree at university to complete a basic degree and try to put my life in order. I felt lost.
One evening sitting at my dressing table, staring into the mirror I had a moment of clarity. I knew I wanted Truth, that’s right, ‘truth’ with a capital ‘T’! I wanted to find out what was really true in this world. Life seemed so difficult to me. I puzzled that most people seemed to be able to go to school, get a job, get married, and raise a family. None of that seemed valid or real to me. Why do it? I wanted something else out of life. I wanted Truth. What is this world really about? Why does it exist? Why do I exist? Why does anyone exist? What is the reason for it all?
There was no thunderbolt answer, but in hindsight I recognize I was given my life plan that night. I was given guidance towards a journey that I’ve been on ever since. I’m a Truth-seeker. That means I’m home-bound, back to the origins of who I am, who you are, and what this world is all about. Currently I’m delighting in Thomas Merton’s writings. One of his thoughts that I’m playing with is that ‘my highest ambition is to be what I already am’. Merton sought Truth and opened the contemplative door for many of us, releasing the ancient wisdom, to find out who we are and why the world exists. I seek Truth wherever it is found. I’ve learnt that Truth smells of love, kindness, compassion and forgiveness. Ah but I’m getting ahead of my story. Right now I’m in my early twenties, looking at myself in a mirror and realizing that more than anything else, more than a husband, more than a career, I want to find Truth.
What drives you in life? Let there be no judgement, but an awareness of what is most important to you. When your last days come, and you look back on your life, what have you been moving towards?
Love and prayers
Mystic in Motion
Companion on the Way with Contemplative Fire
Companion on the Rivendell Way
Society Member of Shalem Institute for Contemplative Living
2 thoughts on “My Easter Story (2): My Pathway”
A very thoughtful message. I was like you in my 20s I was looking for something else.
It is not easy to take a different way from others in your age group. What was I looking for? My place in the system of life . I need to consider it. I have had a long life. Joan
thanks Joan for sharing your search as well. How good to reflect over our lives. What have we been looking for?