Lessons from a Hurricane (9)

Winds of God

Am I trying to tame the chaos again as I write these blogs??? Each time is sit down to write rather than the blog I had thought about, another one appears!  So as I started a few weeks ago……

As the weeks passed and I lived with the changes in my world, one of my responses was to try to tame the chaos.

I wanted to bring order to the upheaval at work. Hmmmm.. perhaps that’s not 100% honest. On a very deep level, I wanted to stop it all – bring it all to a halt, return to what I had known before. I wanted to avoid the upheaval.

If I couldn’t stop the changes (which I couldn’t!) at least I wanted to pretend that the changes weren’t happening. Let someone else deal with them. I would tightly hold on to my own desires. I would bring order by internally believing that I what I wanted would actually happen. If I just stayed my course, surely all this chaos would disappear.

It didn’t happen. Changes still came. What did happen was that the more I held on to my perspective the tighter I became inside myself. A knot formed within me and got tighter, tighter and tighter. I had less patience with people. I became deeply weary. It is hard work fighting the winds that blow. I lost the peace that I normally know within myself.

One day I read the ancient teaching that what is happening is what is happening. I could pretend I was living in another time zone, another world, or I could accept that where I was, was where I was. I had no sense that I was to leave my job, and I gradually realized that I had to leave some of my expectations, some of my desires. I began to know more and more deeply that what I wanted was to be open to God and to serve the Living, Loving Spirit that I know, wherever I was placed. Whether I liked it or not, whether it matched my dreams or not mattered less and less. What mattered more and more was simple, deep TRUST in God. Always present. Always loving. Always seeking those who will bring God’s ways into the world.

Are you trying to tame chaos or are you sailing with the winds of God?

Love and prayers on the journey

Anne

Community Leader (Canada) Contemplative Fire